The adventure of Forum 23! Chapter 3 is here!

[Sonicfan253]

~The adventure of forum 23~
I have decided to retry, I hope I did better!

Chapter 1: Forum 23?!?

Hello, im Sonicfan253. This story is about my "odd" adventures, and finding out about secrets I had never known.

Well, on this perticular day I was having a short talk/conversation with Kimonio, Marioiscool, Superyoshi, and Niklaw.

Then Superyoshi brought up something called Forum 23, "What IS forum 23?" I asked.

Superyoshi stared at me and his voice became serious, "Its the mods hideout, we talk about new features and all that crap" he said. He suddenly slapped his hand over his mouth as if he had said too much,

I could tell hat he was hiding something, why was Superyoshi talking jittery and nervous?
Superyoshi didn`t talk for awhile, as if he was thinking about something. "Well um...meeting disbanded!" he said.

"Ay mate" said Niklaw, standing up and walking out the door with Superyoshi following quickly behind.

"What was that about?" I asked, Kimonio and Marioiscool shrugged. "Well im going to find out" I said following quietly behind Superyoshi.

I decided to walk out the door and follow Superyoshi, and Niklaw. They walked around the Off-topic thread, then they went near the graveyard. What the heck would Superyoshi and Niklaw want in the graveyard?

Suddenly Superyoshi whirled around and looked to see if he was being followed, and then he went into THIN AIR with Niklaw.
I just stood there as I thought about it, Niklaw and Superyoshi went into an invisible door.

Was this forum 23? What was going on?
I slapped myself but I wasnt dreaming, how did they do that?

Chapter 2: Fight! Fight! Fight!

I spent the rest of my time trying to figure out where forum 23 was, and how I could get there.

I walked down the street and saw Linkdroid and Aznchau4ever arguing.

I already knew Aznchau hated Linkdroid's guts, but they seemed to be REAL steamed at each other.

Aznchau blasted out "Linkdroid stop throwing hissy fits! I didn`t steal your ideas so just back off!".

Now that REALLY made Linkdroid mad, so he threw punches at aznchau's face.

I knew this was starting out as a flame war. "Oh yeah, so THIS is how its going to turn out?!?" yelled Aznchau.

Linkdroid picked up his boomerang and whirled it at Aznchau. It hit him right in the nose, and blood began to drip.

Aznchau smiled and said "Good fight." Then he picked up knifes and threw them at Linkdroid.

This was almost too much to see, but when Linkdroid and Aznchau got in a fight. There was no dealing with it until it was over.

The knifes struck Linkdroid in the arm and blood began running all the way down to his hand.

It turns out that other people were watching this also. They tried to pull Linkdroid and Aznchau apart, but it was too late.

Aznchau fired a gun, but it didn`t hit Linkdroid, instead it sailed right past him and hit Blablob in the face.

Blablob fell backwards, closed his eyes, and didn`t speak. Blood was running down his cheeks, mouth, nose, and hair.

Aznchau stood there with the gun in his hand, he stared at Blablob. Then he gently dropped his gun and still stood there.

I saw this whole thing and was not happy about it. I ran over to Blablob and began cleaning the bullet hole.

Marioiscool, Kimonio, and Messengerofyahweh helped Linkdroid and his cuts. Aznchau was yet STILL standing there with blood running out of his nose.

Chapter 3: In the days that followed...

The next few days were uneventful, Blablob was going to be fine, Aznchau was banned for a day, and Linkdroid had a broken arm.

I still studied more on Forum 23. I sat right in front of where Superyoshi and Niklaw had walked into.

I reached out my hand, expecting to feel a door, but no. My hand swept through air, feeling nothing I decided that I was wasting my time, so I got my stuff and went away.

Everyone was chatting about some juvenile "Spammer". I picked up a newspaper and a screamer popped out,

Yikes! must be another Spammer Prank, I hopped off of the bench and laughed my head off.

Suddenly there was the sound of a gunshot. I heard distant screaming from the chat, so I took off.

At the chat, there was this black guy with a grey mask and a HUGE GIGANTIC KNIFE on his back.

He picked up a grenade and tossed it at me. "Woah!" I yelled as I got hit by the blast.

I did a backflip in the air and landed on my feet, I pulled out my Sniper rifle and shot the Spammer square in the heart.

He clutched his heart but he took out his knife and tossed it at me, grinning, he fell flat on his face and didn`t get up.

The knife swiped through the air as it was about to hit me, it seemed slow. Or was it slow because my heart was beating so fast?

I Felt a sharp pain, then everything went black.

Images flashed in my mind. Blablob, Kimonio, Marioiscool, Messengerofyahweh, Aznchau, Linkdroid.

They all grinned and shot me with pistols. Thats when I woke up, my heart was pounding like a bomb in my chest.

[Blablob]

Sonicfan, I have news for you...


YOU DID BETTER! WAY TO GO!


Although you are not up to pro level just yet, this is certainly better than your other stories. Keep going

[MessengerOfDreams]

Chapter 1- I like

Chapter 2- OHMYGOD THAT WAS SO SPOT-ON!

7/10

[Chaukai]

Ouch. XD Firing Blablob in the face? Man, I must have some bad aiming. Anyways, not bad, not bad. There are of course, parts where you can improve, but everyone has spots to improve on. I'm not much of a fan of First-person stories, so I won't say too much else. It was good, although you may want to try and put a little bit more detail if you could?

[Sonicfan253]

Thanks guys, ill try to work on Chapter 3 when I have time.

[Avo]

I like this! This is awesome! I can't wait for more! It's cool! I like it! Awesome! Superior! (OK Avo, shut up.....)

[Sonicfan253]

In fact, Ima make chapta tree wight nowz!

[Canine]

Eh, pretty good enough story. Kept me reading 'till th' end.

Now there is some things you can improve on.

First, this has a few grammar and spelling mistakes, such as, "I could tell that he was hiding something. Why was Superyoshi talking jittery and nervous?" But it's alright! Not everyone is perfect. Everyone's different. You did OK, but some parts were just like," I asked, Kimonio and marioiscool shrugged." Now there should be a period where the comma is.

There can be descriptive words in the story so far. It's better with descriptive words, like instead of putting "happy", you could put "content", which is a better way of saying happy! But this is your story, so I'm not telling you how to do this.

I think this story can be a little better, but it's already better than other stories you've made.

6.5/10

OK, but not PERFECT! Nice work.

[Sonicfan253]

Chapter 3 has been made!

[PuppetOfMisery]

Great story Sonicfan253

7/10 I'll give it