Runouw Remix

[MICrophone]

…would be too difficult to navigate spoofs, cause I get the feeling that we're gonna have a lot of them soon. Separate topics seem fine for now…if we really get overwhelmed we could explore other options.

[UsuarioTHf]

*coughsearchbuttonjustrightaboveMICspostcough*

...Just wanted to point it out.

[brandoprojectm]

Note: If format comes out freeaky, it's my iPod's fault.

This is a continuation of Trash VAGs.

Chapter 1: Sleeping Down (derp)

"So, the preparations are ready?"

"Yeah. Don't you just love how mysterious we are?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're just talking with quotation marks, and no names at all! I mean, we could be anyone! Maybe the mods, or maybe alien sentinents from a distant planet! I bet our readers are crazy with anticipation as to who we are!!"

"Or they may not care at all."

"....I want a new partner."

 ------------------------------------------------------
Brandobrawl woke with a start. He groaned as he rubbed the frying pan-sized bruise on the back of his head. "Damn you Runouw. I thought you were just joking." He tried to get up, but he found that his movement was extremely restricted, as if he were in a very small, tight space. Looking around, it seemed like he was in an egg-shaped dome of some sort.

He listened quietly for a moment. A door opened and closed. The silouhette of a person walked over to his dome.

"I see you're awake," a familiar voice said in a light and happy tone. 

"Suyo? What the heck's going on here? Where am I?"

"All in due time. You should go back to sleep now." He walked over to a computer, and from the clicking sounds, brandobrawl could tell he was typing something.

And then, a square compartment opened right above brandobrawl's head. Inside it, a frying pan. "...you can't be seri-"

WHAM.

------------------------------------------------------------
The VAGs building was a magnificent building. 5000 feet long and wide, and 4000 feet tall, the building dominated Runouw city. Of course, it also used over a bajillion volts of electricity, and two forests full of wildlife had been cut down to make way for it, not to mention the pollution....  Still, it was an amazing piece of work. People who walked by would look at it in jealousy, but they didn’t know what was happening inside…

Inside was a vast empty room. Suddenly rocks started to form, as if it were being drawn by a computer. Cliffs, grass, animals, hot dog stands, real estate agents, and porta-potties were being drawn by lines that moved by themselves. Soon, the room was a large grassy plain with a shining sun moving slowly above it. Full of hot dog stands and porta-potties.

Another figure was drawn at the bottom of a small crevice. He wore a thick green bullet proof vest with a camouflage shirt and pants. He stood there, eyes closed for a few minutes, unmoving. Finally he opened them and he looked around wildly.

"OMFG ONLY 50 CENTS FOR A HOT DOG?!? I mean...er, where am I?" Brandobrawl said to himself, as he looked at the vast plains that were in front of him. 

"You are in the VAGs." A woman’s voice answered Brando’s question. Brando turned around as he heard the voice come from the left, but nothing was there. 

"Show yourself!" He said and put up his fists in protection. Brando had been a triple black belt for 4 years now, but you never knew if there was a quadruple black belt around the corner.

"Calm yourself. I am inside you." 

"......That's not something you say to someone when you want them to calm down. NOW GET AWAY FROM ME, RAPIST!"

"Will you shut up for one second? I am the Intelligence Providing System. The IPS for short. You are in the Plains of Tranquility right now, as are the other 15 players." 

"Wait a minute, so you said that this place is the VAGs?"

"The Plains of Tranquility is an Arena. There are several different Arenas which you will be fighting in."

"Fighting?"

"All will make sense in time. Or actually, in your case, I'm not so sure. Even when I'm an Intelligence Providing System, you still seem to be lacking it." 

"...say, what?"

"You dumb. I smart. I give you smart. You still dumb. Get it now, Einstein?"

"...that's not what I meant by 'say what'..." Brando muttered to himself and walked out of the crevice. He saw hills and about waist high grass, but no other people.

"Where’s everyone else?"

"The arena is expanding every day. You are not alone. Now activating the Ocular Guidance Earpiece." A small device was suddenly drawn onto Brando’s ear. It seemed to be attached to his ear and covered one eye with a clear lens. 

"Hey, this looks like those scouter things from Dragonball Z!"

"Pardon, 'scouter'?" asked the IPS.

"VEGETA, WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS POWER LEVEL?? IT'S OVER 9000!!! WHAT, 9000?!?!"

"*sigh*"

After a while, text appeared onto the lens.


TEAM: ENERGY KNIGHTS
GAME: TEAM DEATHMATCH
SETTING: PLAINS OF TRANQUILITY
OBJECTIVE: ELIMINATE THE OTHER TEAMS

"Teams? Energy Knights?" Brando looked at the words curiously as they disappeared from the OGE. 

"You are part of a team called the Energy Knights, with three other people. They will be wearing the same outfits and using the same weapons as you. There are four teams in the VAGs." IPS spoke very plainly. Brando smiled as he listened.

"Weapons? Now you're talkin'." He smiled and then looked around again. The OGE seemed to be targeting something that was extremely far away, and was labeled, BUFFOONER. "Aha! I’m guessing Buffooner is part of the Energy Knights?"
 
"Correct. For once."

"I heard that."

"Although it may be dangerous to travel across the plains unarmed, as it sounds like you are planning to do. Every EK is equipped with a Sword and a Semi-Auto Rifle. To pull either out, one must simply have a palm open and concentrate on the weapon needed."

Brando rolled his eyes and looked skeptical. He was curious though, and decided to try it. 

"By the power of Greysku-"

"Not like that."

"Fine." He stuck out his hand and thought of the rifle in his head. Light outlined around his arm, and a gun seemed to form in his hand. A brief flash, and suddenly Brando was holding a large rifle. Stunned, he looked at the gun for a moment, then he looked back at the plains. "IPS…" He said in an awed voice. "What is this?"

"How very in-character. That is called a gun. It's spelled G-U-N. The small end is for-" Brandobrawl smacked his ear piece.

"It's a semi-automatic rifle." Brando grinned in spite of himself. 

"AWESOME!" He stuck out his hands once again, a concentrated look on his face.

"....thinking of a triple-cheeseburger with extra cheese isn't going to make it appear. It only works for weapons."

"Darn. But...how did it magically just appear in my hand?" 

"Simple really. The VAGs is made completely in Virtual Reality."





"...you know, that's a really weak cliff-hanger ending."

"I'm not the author you know."

"Well, I am."

DUN DUN DUUUNNN 

"No wait, that's not good either."

[MessengerOfDreams]

Wowwee, this is way better than that other whatzitcalled story you do, what's it called again? Evs, this is definitely a work of art. The dialogue was priceless.

[MICrophone]

There is so much brilliance in this. The introduction and the "cliffhanger" ending was absolutely brilliant, as was much of the middle section. This is so good! Wish you'd spoof mah stories…

[MessengerOfDreams]

Methinks TRC is next, due to it being so ♥♥♥♥ to begin with. JK

[barnecade]

Really, really nice. I just love the how its a game of survival. Reminds me a lot of the Hunger Games series I am reading. The The segments are perfect in size, not to long and not to short. Amazing job. This shall be the first thread for me to subscribe to.
I guess I should check out the original too.

[MessengerOfDreams]

Barn, this is a parody of RemnantAbyss' story. Wanna link to that?

[Ridder]

CHAPTA CHREE: Cockaspaniel-a-Cockaspaniel

"It’s funny how fast a room can fill with the stench of crap."

"Hysterical. You can see last's night dinner coming out of my butthole from laughing so hard."

"Sarcasm is not needed here, Colonel."

"I am not ♥♥♥♥ you. I really am taking a dump in my pants right now."

"Well now is not a time to start practicing."

"Practicing? What, you don't think I'm well oriented in the ways of taking a dump enough to use a toilet?"

"You haven't shut up since we got here from Red Lobster, and here I am thinking "What the hell was I thinking taking this guy for a bro-break at Red Lobster"?"

"Probably to come out of the closet to the world."

"Ha ha. First sarcasm, then a joke. When will this end?"

---

"Give me a hand!" Buffooner yelled out and pulled the trigger of his rifle. It let out a spray of mace that charged forth to the direction of Zebtrestalala, who screamed in pain as his eyes seared with everlasting anguish and then shot out a ball made of bratwurst at Buffooner. With cat-like reflexes, Buffooner quickly pulled out his flamethrower and cooked the bratwurst until the internal temperature was somewhere around Fahrenheit 451.

Brando crossed the distance between him and Zeb in a few seconds, his cock out and ready. Zeb met the vicious poultry-weapon swipe with a clawed turkey. The sound of chicken having a brawl made them both wince and they broke off the connection. Zeb grinned as they circled each other, looking for an opening.

"Enemy targeted. Analyzing in full X-Ray Vision....…mmmmm........" No doubt Zeb’s IPS was doing the same thing. Brando held his cock up and smiled back at Zeb.

"Beotch, I gawt dis." He said aloud and Buffooner looked incredulously at him. "How bout it Zeb? Cockerspaniel-a-Cockerspaniel??" Zeb laughed and clenched the legs of his live turkey tighter.

"Are you really that stupid? Cockerspaniels are dogs." He said. He wore purple studded leather armor, and had an insignia on the back outlining a fist. Brando had not noticed the insignias until he had figured out how to count to twenty. He thought it made him smarter.

"SHADDUP, IPS Girl, tell this foo that Cockerspaniels are chickens and anything poultry!" Brando shouted to his stomach.


"Actually, sir, he's righ-"

"COMMUNIST. NOTHING BUT A F**KING COMMUNIST AND YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND OVER HERE." Brando referred to the clearly facepalming Zeb.

"Enemy Analyzed."

NAME: ZEBTRESTALALA – BURST BERSERKER
POWERS: BRATWURST SHOTS. UBERLY POWERFUL TURKEY CLUB FITTED WITH CLAWS.
WEAKNESS: ???
STRNEGTHS: SMARTER THAN YOU.

Brando growled as he saw the information. Smarter than me? wtf? Does this mean he went to college and actually came out with a Bachelor's Degree? No… No doubt it would be too unfair if people I was fighting against were smarter than me.

Zeb took that moment to charge at Brando. He raised his right arm up and murderously swiped down at Brando’s shoulder, but Brando jumped back and countered with a feather swipe at Zeb's ribs, but Zeb's was too quick and pushed the incoming cock away from his ribs. Pushing it away, Zeb took that moment to insult Brando.
"Beoch, stay away from my ribs!" Zeb shouted with his turkey club in one hand a plate of finely cooked barbeque ribs in the other.
He then took the momment to swing at Brando’s exposed stomach and then follow with a powerful punch. Brando groaned as he was lifted off the ground and thrown several feet back by that punch.

He looked at his stomach, which seems to not have been cut by the claws, but he still felt the pain from it. Buff ran help, but Brando gestured him to go out and get some buffalo wings and his TV so he could watch the soccer game he recorded. Zeb walked up to him and held out a hand. "Again. Retarded." He simply said, and pulled Brando back up. They kept a longer distance from each other as they circle this time. Zeb initiated the battle again, holding his palm open and sending an bratwurst ball towards Brando.

Brando rolled away from the blast, his cock disappearing. He kneeled and pointed his rifle full of troll and flame comments right at Zeb. "Bye." He said, and fired away. Zeb had no time to react, and was a series of "Holy crap, you died? I think I'm gunna cry.","WHAT THE HAYUL PUNK, JUST GO DIE IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE.","I would so definitely by that viagra." and so much more. Collapsing to the ground, Zeb breathed heavily.

"Enemy’s Health is low." Brando stood up and walked to Zeb, who didn’t even notice that Brando stood in front of him. He pointed his gun at Zeb’s head, but he took a moment to say something.

"Well, I guess this is the point where I would make a Fable reference, but seeing as how no one would get, you die now, mmkay?"

"Brando!" Suddenly, Brando turned and saw two bratwurst orbs launched towards both Brando and Zeb. Brando quickly set up a giant glass window and jumped through it as an explosion ensued. He ran back a bit but couldn’t see who had fired through the smoke. Buff stood beside Brando and they both pointed at the direction the blast was fired as the smoke dispersed.

"Shee-oot…................this color of ridiculous hair dye wasn't worth the money I spent on it." Brando and Zeb recognized that voice.

"MoY?!" Brando said, and gripped his gun tighter. They could faintly see MoY and Alucard through the smoke now, standing where Zeb was. Except Zeb wasn’t there anymore. Not even his corpse. He was gone. Forever, or for a long time. It was like he joined the army and up and left for several months.

The smoke was finally dispersed, Buff and Brando had their guns pointed straight at MoY and Alucard, who were also pointing their blasters back. Suddenly, a cannon shot went off and the sound were heard all over the room. The sound of a murdered bald eagle dropping to the ground. Soooommebody was going to get their asses sued.


"Hey, don't look at me, I'm just mysterious voice #1."

"Don't look at me either, it's bad for my complexion."

"Is this really how we should end this chapter?"

"Hayul no, but I see no better option."

"How about this?"

"ZEBTRESTALALA TERMINATED"

"No, sounds too much like that movie Arnold Schwarzenegger was in. change it. "\

"Okay, how about- ZEBTRESTALALA ELIMINATED"

"Holy mother guanaholes, thats.........................No wait, that's not good either."

[MessengerOfDreams]

You spoofed a spoof.

World, can you just explode now and get it over with?