The Land of Secrets (Extended Chapter 1)

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The Land of Secrets (Extended Chapter 1)

Postby General Guy 101 » June 2nd, 2010, 2:03 pm

The Land of Secrets
BY:Nintendogeek64
==========================================================================================================
???:Hi and welcome to this land
NG64:What land
???:I dunno it's secret
NG64: :facepalm:
???:Stop facepalming
NG64:No!!!
???:Well hi am Mr.Secret (Now you can change my name to Mr. Secret Author not "???")
NG64:Well hi and where is this bus going
Mr.Secret:A place secret
NG64:Do you know what the place is called
Mr.Secret:NO!!!!
NG64:Stop yelling
Bus Driver:Were Here
NG64:Awesome :awe:
NG64:*Goes left*
Mr.Secret:Not that way,to your right,towards me
NG64:Ohhhh
Mr.Secret:What am I going to do with you.
NG64:Ok let's go now
Mr.Secret:WRONG WAY!!!
NG64:STOP YELLING AT ME!!!!
Mr.Secret:Let's go now,Follow me.
NG64:Fine,What is this place
Mr.Secret:Somewhere Secret
NG64:Why is there sand all over the place
Mr.Secret I don't know!
NG64:Did you bring a Lab top
Mr.Secret:No,Why
NG64:Cause I wanna go onto runouw and chat with my friends
Mr.Secret:Oh look it at that,a ocean out of nowhere appeared right in front of us
NG64:What is this bay's name
Mr.Secret:Stop asking me questions!!!
NG64: :omg: (Wow he could get angry let's see if I ask him 1 more question)
NG64:What is your name
Mr.SecretSHUT UP!!!!!
NG64:Holy Crap!!!
NG64:You can get really angry
Mr.Secret:.....
NG64:.....
Mr.Secret:Stop doing periods
NG64:You started it
Mr.Secret:Fine and where are we
NG64:That's mah line
Mr.Secret:Fin say your line
NG64:Where are we
Mr.Secret:I dunno
NG64:Where is the food
Mr.Secret: :shock:
NG64: :x :x :x :x
Mr.Secret:OK let's not get spammy here
NG64:Hey is that Rick Astley
Mr.Secret:Holy Crap it is RUN!!!!
Rick Astley:Never gonna give you up,never gonna let you down
=========================1===========================================================================
Last edited by General Guy 101 on June 3rd, 2010, 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Land of Secrets

Postby Kimonio » June 2nd, 2010, 2:09 pm

......Not funny, it's in script style, not funny, looks like you didn't put effort into it.........



Do you think you could edit it and make it look like an actual story?
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Re: The Land of Secrets

Postby General Guy 101 » June 2nd, 2010, 2:09 pm

Itsa chat story
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Join my forums
He just had a spotaneus
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Luigi:Hey goombas geuss what
Goombas:What?
Luigi:Its Hammering time
Join justn.p3's Now :)
Guess what....................Were no strangers to love.You're lucky I forgot the rest of this song
Call Me TFMOR Which stands for The Forgotten Member Of Runouw

This smilie is a non-stopping Face slapping for a lifetime Smilie :facepalm:
Join the:
IMMA A VETERAN MAY 28th 2010 in less then a month
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NG64 wrote:Im bat man
Kimonio wrote:But Bat Man doesn't wear a cowboy theme..unless he want's to be stlyish
MIC wrote:No he doesn't wear a cowboy theme

HAIL TO THE LEGENDARY MEMBER....WAIT I'M NOT A MEMBER OF IT I"LL JUST START HAIL TO THE LEGENDARY 24

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Re: The Land of Secrets

Postby MessengerOfDreams » June 2nd, 2010, 2:18 pm

F***


Do me a favor.

Never come into the stories section again. >_<
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Re: The Land of Secrets

Postby Avo » June 2nd, 2010, 6:02 pm

MessengerOfYahweh wrote:Do me a favor.

Never come into the stories section again. >_<


OK MOY, that was uncalled for. :?

Y'know, this is another one of those chat stories, so it can't be THAT promising.

It was OK for chat story standards. Maybe add more 'cause I really can't give you a detailed review. So far, I give you a 4/10 for effort. :)
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Re: The Land of Secrets

Postby MessengerOfDreams » June 2nd, 2010, 6:30 pm

Maybe that was uncalled for. But be honest. Would you be jumping me if I was anyone else? Dont see anyone instantly jumping blab, or Mic.
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My Most Recent Works: show
I switch my signature a lot. If you wanna see some of my past ones, here you go.
Silent Conversations and a Crow's Final Song!
My latest story, and one of my personal favorites. A girl bound in silence finds the words to say to her prospective girlfriend as they visit her religious father in a dusty town on the edge of Kansas, where the crows' migration south brings forth anchored memories, the path to resolution, and a new start.

Form (25quared)
This might be like nothing you've seen before.
Updated Works! Some of my past best and current stuff: show
Writing Works!
Fanfic: Shut Up and Dance
why do I write so much about dancing you don't dance you've never danced in your entire life
lying little ♥♥♥♥ with your ♥♥♥♥ story ♥♥♥♥ you
also Diddy/Lucina <3
Fanfic: Worth a Thousand Words
Because the world needed a Samus/Dedede story
Fanfic: Ecstatic Silence
Just wanted to write and ♥♥♥♥ like this happens, you'd think I'd know better.
Fanfic: Far From the Edge
It's a dance that's been a long time coming for a brand new man and an unchanging woman, but once one takes the plunge there's no falling back up.
Original: Jealous Ghosts of the Mississippi
The story of Rachel meeting Amber after a lifetime of silence and being shunned
Original: Your Hand in Mine
One of my most personal stories about a dangerous romance. Now to be published in a college lit journal!
-------------------------
Recent LDC Work:
Level Series: Leaves From The Vine (ft Star King)
For the 29th LDC, a theme of grassland taken through the growth of our designing society. Won the 29th LDC!
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Levels at Large:
Level Topic: Collection of MoD's Levels!
If you've ever wanted to see any level I made worth a damn, go here! From the quiet 14th LDC entrant Finis to the megasmash level series Dark, you can find links here!
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Re: The Land of Secrets

Postby Avo » June 2nd, 2010, 7:01 pm

MessengerOfYahweh wrote:Maybe that was uncalled for. But be honest. Would you be jumping me if I was anyone else? Dont see anyone instantly jumping blab, or Mic.


It's because I hardly ever come to the stories section, I check on one story and see your post. Yeah..... :?
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Re: The Land of Secrets

Postby Blablob » June 3rd, 2010, 3:43 am

MessengerOfYahweh wrote:Maybe that was uncalled for. But be honest. Would you be jumping me if I was anyone else? Dont see anyone instantly jumping blab, or Mic.

Maybe it's because when I review a story I don't tell them to never come here again? :?

So anyways, yeah. The story could definitely use some improvement. For chat stories standards, it's not horrible. As a story as a whole, well, it's not much of a story at all. Keep going, though. :)
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Re: The Land of Secrets

Postby YoshiKid54 » June 3rd, 2010, 5:17 am

Not bad. Could do some improvements though. Like lots of it.
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