Runouws secrets: Another Adventure

[Sonicfan253]

Prologue

Sonicfan253 hopped on his motercycle and blazed over the road. "Gotta get there. Gotta get there. GOTTA GET THERE!" he was mumbling. He switched his speed to TURBO, and blasted as fast as a lightningbolt.

As he speeded by, avocars squealed out of the way. Suddenly he came to a HUGE traffic jam, "Oh craprats!" he yelled.

He switched his motercycle to FLY mode. The motercycle lost its wheels and got replaced by rockets, and wings grew out of the sides of the motercycle. Then a glass dome-shaped windshield transformed over Sonicfan.

The motercycle blasted up into the air, Sonicfan253 rocketed over the traffic, and landed right in front of it. Then he switched back to normal mode and squealed into a parking spot near the chat.

"I sure hope im not late!" he said as he rushed inside. He was at Four's funeral, after he had been killed by a bomb.

Sonicfan253 sat in a seat next to Nin10mode. They both watched as Suyo and Niklaw closed the coffin.

Suddenly the door bursted open. Its was Runouw! "EVERYONE! THEY ARE BACK! GET INTO POSTITIONS." he shouted.

Sonicfan253 ripped off his Tuxido, revealing a belt full of bullets and Sonicfan253's gun.

Sonicfan253 had yellow hair, a blue shirt, and some blue jeans. He snapped three special glowing bullets into his gun, he also pulled out the one that he had found in Superspongerific's expidition.

The door blasted open again, and in popped Kingboo, Raymond, and LUIGIMAN >:O.

"GOODNIGHT LOSERS!" shouted Raymond as he threw a stink bomb into the chat.

Everyone immediantly fell to the floor except Runouw. He raised a hand and all the users teleported away.

"Raymond. You do realize that we have to end this now, right?" said Runouw, bringing out a dagger.

"Sure. Fartouw!" shouted LUIGIMAN >:O.

Then Raymond tossed a Raynuke onto the ground. Then, everything in Runouw.com went white.


Chapter 1. A forum without an admin

Linkdroid got up, looked around, and saw that he was inside his house! "But...wait...wasn`t I at the chat for Four's funeral?"
he said.

"Runouw must have used his mod powers. He rarely ever uses them anymore!" Linkdroid said. He dashed out his door, hopped into his avocar, and turned the key.

And then, he was off! as he drove by, no cars were around. And no people walked the streets, they were replaced by SPAMMERS! "Oh no. Something is terribly wrong!" he said.

He drove to the chat, stopped his car, and saw that the chat was gone! and on top of it was RAYMONDLAND. "Oh darn" he said.

He drove around even more, and saw that many things were replaced! The tavern was now: RayBar.
The Supermarket: Raymart
The S-S Rific: Raymonds Raycruise

Raymond was ruining the whole site! Linkdroid drove over to the chat again, hopped out, and went inside.

Immediantly spammers jumped out and started shooting at him. He frontflipped over them, and ran up the stairs to Raymonds lair.

Chapter 1, part 2.

Raymonds lair was quite a sight. Suyo, Niklaw, and Runouw, were locked up in three seperate cages.

"Ahh, Linkdroid. Hes the wittle hero dats gunna save the mods...Ohhh wah wah wah, im SOOO scared!" said Raymond with sarcasm. Linkdroid snarled, and tossed a katana at Raymonds face. Raymond caught it, then threw it right back!

Linkdroid gasped, he jumped out of the way. "Raymond! you need to stop ruining the site with your crappy face!" shouted Linkdroid. "He cant, I allowed him to do so." Said Runouw.

"You WHAT?!?" said Linkdroid in suprise. "Bwehehehehe. Linkdroid, I captured Runouw, tortured him, until he begged for mercy and gave up. Thus putting ME in the site's command!" cackled Raymond.

"I will not allow you to ruin this site anymore!" yelled Linkdroid. "Oh REALLY?" said Raymond, as he raised a hand. Linkdroid felt himself being pulled away! He was thrown backwards, out the door, and out of RAYMONDLAND. The doors closed tight in front of him.

"What ever will we do?" said Linkdroid, shaking his head.

[Megar]

Interesting. Since it's only the prologue, i'll review it when Chapter 1's done. But I rate it 7/10 for now.

[Sonicfan253]

Thanks, Sponge! Ill make chapter 1 right now so you can review it!

[Megar]

Alright. Time to review.

REVIEW OF RUNOUW'S SECRETS: ANOTHER ADVENTURE
Fatal Grammar Failing:
I saw two errors of Grammar. The first one was in the prologue, where you forgot in my name The capital S in Spongerific.
The second was in Chapter 1, whereas when LD says "Oh darn." you forgot the period. So, 3 out of a total of 5 here.

No One Likes Spell Fails:
Only one in each time you said Motorcycle, you replaced the second "O" with "E". But, not much of a problem, so a 1 reduce. So that maked 4/5.

Epic Confusion:
One confusion here, on Foru's death you wrote "Shot down by a bomb." I believe that would be; "Killed by a bomb." So for this, I say 8/10.

Eh? This didn't happen:
(Plot Twists) The only twist here really was the Raymond.com thing. So 7/10.

And now.... The TOTAL! 22/30 RANK: Niccceeee.

[Sonicfan253]

Thanks for the review SuperSpongerific! I just made part 2 of chapter 1.

[Megar]

Still going good. 8/10
I'll do anoher review when this chapter and 2 are finished.

[Sonicfan253]

Next chapter is Buffooner's perspective of the situation.

I tried writing it, but I got writer's block.

[Megar]

Next chapter is Buffooner's perspective of the situation.

I tried writing it, but I got writer's block.

Wut about my perspective. I'm the one reading this story alot.
As long as I get one, cool. Can't wait.

[Buff_]

Buff review time!

Story: 7/10
A little cliche but it works. You could add a little twist to it so its more original, but you can do whatever.

Grammar: 6/10
Needs work. Don't forget the ' and try to keep related things together. It's nearly all separated.

The writing: 5/10
Pretty average. You need to allow other things to happen rather than everything at once. It's also very short. You're trying to cram everything into the tiniest space possible, but it doesn't work. You also need at least some description. It's all put together, and I'm not really sure what to imagine when I read it.

Overall comment:
The story doesn't flow well. It is really jumbled, as you have too many different paragraphs which are all related.... and you have two people speaking on the same line.



If you want, I will happily write my part as you have writer's block; just as long as I know what I'm writing about.

[Sonicfan253]

Ok, ill try to fix those things in my next chapters.

Buff, I think you would do better than me. So im PMing you the idea for the chapter, and you PM it back and ill post it.

Superspongerific, your request will be done in Chapter 4.