Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

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Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

Postby Sonicfan253 » June 30th, 2010, 2:25 pm

Before you guys go "SAWNICFAN OHMEHGAWSH YOU MADE ANOTHER STORY!". I had to get this idea out of my head, so enjoy!




Prologue

TNT, Kimonio, and Sonicfan all sat in Kimoino's living room, they were playing Monopoly.

"I rolled a six! oh yay! a railroad!" said TNT as he moved his piece to a railroad tile on the board.

He cashed in fake money to Kim. Kimonio placed it on a small container. Kimonio was the banker, he placed the railroad card in TNT's hand.

TNT tossed the dice to Sonicfan, he shook the dice in his hands and rolled them. "Ok. Its an 8, looks like I go to jail, again."
he said as he moved his piece to the 'Jail' tile.

Sonicfan got up, and headed away from the table. "Hey guys, I gotta go do something real quick" he said.

On his way to Kimonio's room, he saw a weird machine on the table. "Huh? Whats this thing?" he said.

He pressed the big red button on top, and suddenly got hit by a glowing beam. He felt shaky, suddenly his knees locked into place, and his arms did the same. He fell to the floor and blacked out...

Later, Sonicfan opened his eyes, and he was in front of a giant wooden wall. With fuzzy ground?

He looked up, and saw that the wall was a giant table leg. He walked over to some giant shoes, he looked up and saw that Kimonio was in them! He was huge! Collosal! Suddenly Sonicfan had realized what had happened.....he was shrunk....


Chapter 1. A weird little bug

Kimonio tapped his foot. When would Sonicfan be back?

Kimonio decided to see if he was alright, he walked to his room.

On the way, he saw a weird little bug, jumping and calling his name in a squeaky voice. Kimonio reached out his hand, and the little bug hopped on!

"Hey, TNT! check this out!" said Kimonio. TNT got up from the table, and walked to Kimonio. "What is it?" asked TNT.

"Its a cool little bug that looks like a person!" said Kimonio. TNT got a magnifying glass.

"Oh my gosh. It looks like Sonicfan!!!!" shouted TNT. "Uh...Kim?...Kim?.....KIM!" said TNT.

Kimonio was looking at the machine on the table. "I wonder what would happen if I pressed..." he said "this?".

He pressed the red button on top and got shocked by a beam, TNT walked into the beam accidentaly. And he got shocked too!

Both of them shrunk to the size of Sonicfan. "What is going on?" said Kimonio.

Sonicfan said "I dunno. You guys got shrunk by that machine, I did too, and now whats happening?". Sonicfan stared at the machine as it began to rumble and shake.

"THE FREAKING THING IS GONNA BLOW!" said Sonicfan. Kimonio, TNT, and Sonicfan dashed away quickly.

The machine blew up! Sending metal and gears flying! "Guys! Watch out!" yelled TNT.

A gear suddenly hit Kimonio on the head. He fell to the floor and blacked out.

Chapter 2. The tiny adventure begins

TNT shook Kimonio awake. "Hey.....Kimmmmmyyyyyy......Kimmmm.....KIM!" he yelled. Kimonio jerked up and looked around.

Everything was huge, the chairs, the TV, the couch...everything! He looked at Sonicfan and saw him trying to open his laptop.

"Hey guys, I cant...get this darn thing...to OPEN!" said Sonicfan. TNT and Kimonio ran over and tried to shove open the laptop, "On three! 1. 2. 3!" said TNT as everyone heaved on the open button. The laptop popped open, and Sonicfan jumped on the power button. The screen flashed on, and it hurt their eyes.

"AHHH! MY EYES! MY FREAKING EYES!" yelled Sonicfan. The screen dimmed a little bit, "much better" said TNT.

Sonicfan used his hands to control the mouse. He clicked the shortcut to "Runouw.com" by jumping on the "Click" button.

Kimonio went to the forums, and TNT went to the login page. Sonicfan began typing in his username by jumping on diffrent keys. He began typing in his password, and he looked back. Kimonio and TNT were going :shock: .

Sonicfan slapped them, and finished typing his password. He clicked the "Login" button, and Kimonio began typing in the chat: "Hey guys, its Kimonio, TNT, and Sonicfan. We got shrunk by a machine and now we are tiny and-".

"Kimonio, thats retarted. No one will believe us." said TNT, Kimonio sighed and stomped on the "Backspace" key.

Suddenly a kid rushed in, it was Nintendogeek. "Oh crap" said Sonicfan.
Last edited by Sonicfan253 on July 1st, 2010, 9:03 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

Postby nin10mode » June 30th, 2010, 2:40 pm

Grammar could use some work. For example:
Kimonio was the banker, he placed the railroad card in TNT's hand. should be
Kimonio was the banker, so he placed the railroad card in TNT's hand.

Also, I don't like how the device entered the story all of a sudden. Maybe you could add something like, "As they were playing, Kim noticed a strange device in the corner of his eye." Or something along those lines.

One more question? Did you know you were going to shrink when you pressed the button? Or was he testing it out for the first time? Did he do it by accident? I iz confuzzled.

A rocky start, but nothing too bad. 5/10
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Re: Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

Postby Kimonio » June 30th, 2010, 2:51 pm

Ah, so I see you found my new invention, eh? Yes, it is supposed to give you the power of the gods.......but for now, it is a trashcan. Unfortunately, you pressed the wrong button and zapped yourself. :awe:






7.2/10
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Re: Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

Postby Sonicfan253 » June 30th, 2010, 3:51 pm

Nin10mode, I pressed the button out of curiosity.
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Re: Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

Postby nin10mode » June 30th, 2010, 3:53 pm

Sonicfan253 wrote:Nin10mode, I pressed the button out of curiosity.


Wait... I think I read too fast. >.< I missed the, "On his way to Kimonio's room, he saw a weird machine on the table. "Huh? Whats this thing?" he said.
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Re: Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

Postby Sonicfan253 » June 30th, 2010, 4:52 pm

Okay, Chapter 1 is almost done!
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Re: Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

Postby MessengerOfDreams » June 30th, 2010, 9:29 pm

So far, this is a good story. Stick to it, kay? 8/10
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Re: Shrinking. Shrinking. Shrunk.

Postby Sonicfan253 » July 1st, 2010, 9:04 am

Chapter 2 is here, keep the reviews coming!
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