Key Keeper

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Key Keeper

Postby Oranjui » December 18th, 2010, 7:37 pm

The first actual, full (not finished yet) story of mine, I give you...

Key Keeper

Quick Info: show
PoV=Point of View. If nothing is next to the chapter number, that chapter is told in third person with no PoV. If a name is next the chapter number, that's whose PoV it is.

Chapter 1
"MOM, LOOK OUT!" Calvin screamed as a plane skimmed the tree's top.
The tree was only about 7 feet tall, and Sharon was very sensitive and unstable. As she plummeted to her doom, the overhang started to crumble.
Calvin ran for his life.

The cliff as it had looked from the beach was now only a gigantic pile of dirt.
Abby had seen fate's victim falling, and had seen the body on the sand, but she hadn't seen Calvin, who had just come around the bend.
He was breathing hard, and had tears rolling down his cheek. The most probable explanation for this, Abby thought, is that he's been orphaned.
That was true, for Calvin's dad had passed away 2 years before, and all of his other relatives were hundreds of miles away.
Abby was a logical thinker, and a straight A student at her school. Calvin was a C-D kind of kid, but he knew the basics of what to do and what not to do.
When Abby offered Calvin some water, he knew to drink it slowly after this experience. He was sweating hard after that sprint, and was parched.
Once he caught his breath, just the tiniest bit, he spoke hoarsely, "M-M-Mo- *cough* Mom!? Are y- *cough* you ok-kay!?"
Abby, in response, told him, "That was a long fall, and she isn't talking. I think you're gonna have to assume the worst."
He was speechless for a moment, but then it hit him. Calvin collapsed and burst into tears, laying with his back to the Sun.
He cried and cried and cried, and he kept on crying, and then fell asleep.

When Calvin woke up, he was in a hospital with a terrible pain in his back, and his eyes were very dry.
Some nurses, Abby and her older brother Tyler, and their parents were hovering over Calvin.
"You're coming to stay with us, Cal."



Chapter 2
The bell rang, and Abby walked down to science class.
This fifth grade stuff is too easy for me, she thought. If only they'd let me skip a grade... Or at least go to a higher level class...
And just as if they knew, she heard, "Abby Mall, please report to the office."

It turns out that she did get to go to a higher level, but Calvin was still drowning in the normal grade level work.
Literally, drowning. Through the class, he had gotten at least six different sheets and a couple of packets, and he still had many from other classes and other days.
He had barely touched anything during class except his chair, and he was not paying any attention whatsoever.
All he heard was, "...Mnhaplew......Treymnhmm......Hablumnmm..."
His mind wasn't doing much, either. Just telling him to breathe, and everything like that.

At the end of school, Calvin was still at his desk doing absolutely nothing.
Abby, though, was in a great mood because while she still had her fifth grade homeroom teacher, everything else was sixth grade level.
Tyler came to down the hall from his seventh grade classroom to pick the two kids up, and Abby walked to their dad's car.
Calvin was dragged.



Intermission
The key gleamed in the shaft of sunlight passing through the blinds.
The desk and chair were lit up, too.
Even with the key shining, he could not make out any words on it, but could see that it was strangely shaped.
Like a heart, and a square... And a circle..? Wait, it's changing! Now it's a hexagon! he thought.
How many other mysteries could this key hold?



Chapter 3 (Fluffy)
Laying in bed next to Calvin, I stared at the ceiling. I was watching a spider crawl across it.
My tail brushed against his still body as I slunk down his side. The spider moved onto the wall as I was getting into the pounce position when Abby came in and picked me up.
"Awww! Fluffy!" she cooed.
Bringing me into the living room, I escaped her grasp.
"Here, kitty-kitty-kitty! Come here!" she repeated over and over again.
I finally found a safe spot where she's not gonna find me for a while. Unless I make noise, of course.

Oh, you want to know about me? I'm a medium-sized, golden-colored cat with sunset orange stripes.
I love fish and most birds, like chicken and turkey, pretty much all of them. I don't like penguins, though.
My favorite hobby is chasing bugs and spiders. Every once in a while I'll eat them.
I can't stand being even close to water, that's definitely what I hate most.
You might think cats and dogs are mortal enemies, but we (dogs and I) tend to get along. Not all cats and dogs are friends are, though.

Now I have to get back to running nonstop. Abby found me.
"Fluffy! Get out of the fridge!"



~Chapter 4 Coming Soon~
Last edited by Oranjui on February 12th, 2011, 2:00 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Key Keeper

Postby Ridder » December 19th, 2010, 10:11 am

Um......very......short.....


The short bit of dialogue feels very unnatural......

The bit with the plane falling and stuff made no sense.
As in, it was very sudden, not a very good note to start off on, and....just the entire thing needs work, okay?



4/10.
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THE CREED: Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted.
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To say that Nothing is True is to realize that the foundations of society are fragile, and that we must be the shephards of our own civilization.
To say that Everything is Permitted is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with the consequences, whether glorious...or tragic."
-Ezio Auditore da Firenze explaining the Creed, 1514, Masayaf.
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Re: Key Keeper

Postby Oranjui » December 19th, 2010, 12:16 pm

I'm gonna get to the key thing later, and sorry about the short chapters... I just write like that.
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Re: Key Keeper

Postby Oranjui » February 12th, 2011, 1:59 pm

It's been a while, but Chapter 3 is done! :)
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