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Introduction.

Realita - A planet of multiple enviroments, colours, shades, and people. Some people even say that its a world of opposites.
And they are right.
The planet has two different realities - The bright side, where everything is peaceful and calm and equal. You get what you want when you need it, and it is so peaceful money is barely used there. However, there is a down side: You have to obey everything your parents & superiors tell you.
Then of coarse there is the shadow side, where you are free to do what you want, when you want. You also get whatever you want. Unfortunatly, this results in a lack of rules, and so there is no law there. No law means chaos. And due to there being no law, everything there is extreamly overpriced. For example, you wanted to buy a single potato. Depending on which shop you look in, the prices will vary from $2,000 - $10,000. Like i said, seriously overpriced. So, you have to work very hard just to get a single potato. And if it wasnt hard enough, payment is very low, e.g. If you work for 48 hours straight, you will probably only get about $1.
What is keeping these two realities apart? A simple portal that allows one to travel from one reality to another. (And a few automatic defences.)
When a child is born, it is allowed to freely pass from reality to reality and experience the ups and downs of both realities. However, when they have their 12th birthday, they are forced to choose which reality to live in for the rest of their lives.
So depending on what type of person they are, they will choose which reality they want to live in - the wicked will live in the shadow reality, the peacful in the bright reality.

Oh, I hate the whole "You're either good or bad" thing, it's really boring and unoriginal.

Plus, this doesn't even seem like a story.

Sounds more like a description then an intro. Maybe introduce the character or something?
Also:

You also get whatever you want

you wanted to buy a single potato.

If I wanted a potato, why would i have to pay? o.O

Yeah... I guess I'll just wait for the story or something.

ShadowtheBowser wrote:

Ridder wrote:Oh, I hate the whole "You're either good or bad" thing, it's really boring and unoriginal.

Plus, this doesn't even seem like a story.

ShadowtheBowser wrote: 1. How is it unoriginal, its two separate views of reality and
2. Its only the introduction.

1. The two parallel opposite realities thing has been done hundreds of times.

2. The intro to what? You gave us a description of a place, asked us which one we wanted to be in, and that's that.
Sure, it's the "introduction", but you never gave any more meaning to this topic besides that. There's no actual story, no actual explanation, nothing.

Chapter 1

Krackta lives in the light reality along with his mother Meydra, father Tredra, twins Krakk and Cracc, and older (only by two minutes) sister, Greltha. He once had a bigger brother, but on the day he chose to live in the light reality he suddenly vanished.
As usual, he woke up, got dressed, had breakfast and headed off for school. On his way to school, however, he noticed that a new building was being built in the city that he lived in. He was unsure of what the building was going to be used for, but it was very tall.
At school he has math, science, english, reality class, the same as usual. Played with his friends, etc. etc. But all though the day, that one tall building scratched at the back of his mind, a constant feeling of doom about that place.
When he got home later that day, and was sitting down to watch TV, his favourite show was interrupted by a News flash, a fight had occured near the reality portal, in this reality. Not only that, but the person who started the fight was suppoed to be in the shadow reality, but had somehow gotten through. But how?
He went to bed, thinking of the fight, but mostly about that building. Every new building is on the news, why not this one?
"Mayby they havent filmed it yet" he thought. "Oh well. I wonder what i will do tomorrow?"

Tomorrow would be a very eerie day.
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CHAPTER 2 COMING SOON!

barn5314 wrote:If I wanted a potato, why would i have to pay? o.O

Thats why prices are so high and payment is so low. Everybody steals it. You cant even trust your 2-year-old son. Dammit he stole my wallet again!

There is no sense of suspense, The chapter is literally two paragraphs, and it looks and reads very rushed and incomplete.


And Chapter 3? You didn't even do a chapter 1 or 2 yet.




2/10.

Intro 5/10
CH1 3/10

Ridder wrote:There is no sense of suspense, The chapter is literally two paragraphs, and it looks and reads very rushed and incomplete.


And Chapter 3? You didn't even do a chapter 1 or 2 yet.




2/10.

At least i have a story, your thing about dark or w/e her name is was just a Bio, not a story.
And its mah first story, at least give me a few points for trying.