The Time Dial

[The Masked One]

Chapter 1: The Beginning, the Now, the Present.
It was quiet in the town of Bruteph. The streets were lined with quiet, brick houses with the occasional wood one, all complete with metal roofs. It was almost pitch-black, the pure darkness being pierced by the occasional flickering street lamp, being swarmed with bugs. The street was identical to any ordinary street at night. What wasn't so ordinary however, was the faint noises of welding coming from one of the houses. This house was not an ordinary house, like the rest. It was made of a type of metal that cooled the more it heated, and heated the more it cooled. The inside of the house was surprisingly clean, like millions of tiny little robots had cleaned every inch of the house. In the fridge was heaps of unhealthy food, however once eaten, was more nutritious than super-concentrated vitamin tablets. The study only had three objects in it, all placed in the center of the room. A chair, a table, and a laptop. The laptop had so many Gigabits that a entirely new form of data. Down in the cluttered, murky basement, a boy sat at a bench, welding wires together on what appeared to be a wristwatch. This was a boy who had invented the metal that made up his house, the robots that had cleaned it, the super-nutritious food in his fridge, even the laptop in the study. He was so smart he finished school at the age of eight. He had invented multiple things that had helped the world, including bottomless bins that never had to be cleaned, which he called the blackbin. His name is Bryan. What was he working on?
The Time Dial.

[Ridder]

Incredibly short.
N/A


As much as you've made, this would do better as a prologue. Not an actual chapter.
No offense or anything, but, Please work on the length.


The first sentence and the last two sentences were okay,

If you where standing there that night, you would feel your ears looking for something to respond to, but failing. However, if you focused enough, you would hear the very faint noises of welding, coming from one of the houses. If you had some sort of sound detecting device, you would locate the source of the noise is coming from 20 Tyme street. Inside lives a boy so smart, he finished high school at the age of 10. Now, at the age of 12, he had an I.Q ten times that of Einstein. He is famous worldwide as the boy who invented a machine that could create an Anti-Gravity field around an entire skyscraper, and miniturized it for personal use. He also invented the only lock that could never be picked, and could only be opened via the microchip in the owner's thumb.

All of that, though, needs work.

[Oranjui]

Short. And shorter than my chapters.
That's saying something.

I'm gonna say that it all needs some work, and there's one thing that just doesn't make sense:

The begging, Present, and Future

First of all, I'm assuming you had a typo with "beginning" and wrote "begging". Second, "beginning" should be capitalized. Third, would it really be "The Beginning, Present, and Future"? Don't you think it should be "The Past, Present, and Future"?

3.75/10

[The Masked One]

Edited. Check it out. It should be fairly now.

[The Masked One]

If you where standing there that night, you would feel your ears looking for something to respond to, but failing. However, if you focused enough, you would hear the very faint noises of welding, coming from one of the houses. If you had some sort of sound detecting device, you would locate the source of the noise is coming from 20 Tyme street. Inside lives a boy so smart, he finished high school at the age of 10. Now, at the age of 12, he had an I.Q ten times that of Einstein. He is famous worldwide as the boy who invented a machine that could create an Anti-Gravity field around an entire skyscraper, and miniturized it for personal use. He also invented the only lock that could never be picked, and could only be opened via the microchip in the owner's thumb.

All of that, though, needs work.

Done.

[Avo]

Length? Short, REAL short?

Actual story? Pretty good.

You described things well (despite it being a short chapter) and you had good potential, too.

But, this is too short to give a proper review so...for now...I'll give it a 6/10.

[Oranjui]

Again, "Now" and "Present" are the exact same thing. Either change "Present" to "Future" and "Now" to "Present" or keep "Now" the same and change "Present" to "Future".
Also, now that you edited it, it's a little bit better.

EDIT: 7.25/10.

[The Masked One]

Again, "Now" and "Present" are the exact same thing. Either change "Present" to "Future" and "Now" to "Present" or keep "Now" the same and change "Present" to "Future".
Also, now that you edited it, it's a little bit better.

... Mayby they are the same thing because...


Down here
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I WANTED THEM TO BE THE SAME?
HOW FRICKING [awe][/awe]SOME IS THAT, EH?
and a little bit better as in what, more exicting, more interesting, more eerie, What?
DETAILZ PEOPELZ!
And you forgot to score.





















































Im strict.
That makes me awesome