The Storytelling Wars Archives

[MessengerOfDreams]

My Storytelling Wars Entry

Anti-Venom


Drip-Drop, Drip-Drop, Drip-Drop, Drip-Drop.
A little rain never stopped my mom from gardening. Sure enough, to no surprise to anyone in the area (although in our ten acres the only people around are our farm animals) my mom was tending our prized tomatoes. I was simply inside playing video games. When it rains, Bowser Must Die. Right when I was about to clear a phase in my Super Mario Galaxy game, that was when Mom yelled out. Flying through stars seemed meaningless as I rushed out, poncho in the mud room, to see what the heck had happened, my heart in my throat.
The first sight I saw was a golden snake slithering away with malice, having done its deed. I screamed aloud like a frightened schoolgirl, jumping back a foot. Composing myself the best I could under the circumstances, I ran over to my mom, fallen over on the ground on top of her prized tomatoes. She had two tiny, almost invisible holes in her hand. My worst fears had been realized. “Pete…” she moaned, in visible pain. My heart broke in two as tears fell down my face. That was a golden taipan, no doubt about it. The single most deadly snake in the nation. That was all I knew. I didn’t know how much time she had. “I’m going to get you help, Mom,” I sobbed shamelessly, my head in my hands. Then I ran off, armed with a gun. The nearest pharmacy was 12 miles away. We were dirt-poor, our truck had broken down, the game system I cherished was a gift from a friend, and I was ready to run all twelve miles in the rain to get that anti-venom. I was ready to rob the pharmacist.
Twelve miles and horribly sore feet later, I had reached the bottom of the hill where the township of Corona, New Mexico, located right off of the U.S. 54. We ourselves lived partway up Gallinas Peak, the only ones who ventured to put a farm up on the mountain. It was all ours. And if I didn’t get to the pharmacy soon, it would become an isolated mountain. I ran past a gas station, a grocery store, and a video rental store before finding the drugstore. I ran in urgently, previously swallowing my pride and concealed the weapon. I was going to try to ask nicely first, get the gun out later. I ran to the counter and said “Anti Venom. I need anti venom.”
“Why do you need that?” the pharmacist asked, his country accent nearly visible. He smelled of cheap liquor and stuffy pharmacy office.
“My mom got bit by a golden taipan and I need to run it up the peak as soon as possible!” I replied. “Just give it to me!” Okay, so I was a little too desperate to ask nicely, but what would you have done?
“Alright, sonny.” He replied all calm-like. After 60 agonizing seconds of his digging around in the back, he presented me with a small bottle. “Now you do understand a bottle of anti-venom costs around a thousand bucks, and I assume you want to pay that now? Otherwise you can kiss the bottle goodbye.”
I was horrified. “I have no money, but, please, sir! My mother is DYING!”
He smirked. “No can do, sir.”
“SHE IS DYING!” I yelled. “Look, I have a really expensive game system back up the hill, and if you give me this, I will give it to you.”
“You give me the dang money or I don’t give this to you, no matter who’s dying!” he spat out, shutting the protective window.
I decided to pull out my gun. Rapping it against the window, I called out “Hey get back here, you sour son of a gun!”
He opened the window and yelled out “What?!”
I put my gun to his head and grabbed the collar. “Listen up, you evil, greedy son of a hamster, if you don’t get that anti-venom for me now, you will die. Is that a good enough deal for you?” He was about to answer when a bullet lodged into his brain, killing him. It wasn’t me, though. It was a real robber. I yelled aloud as he yanked me into the pharmacist’s office. And the dead pharmacist had tripped the silent alarm, too. This meant time was running out.
The robber pulled off his mask and looked at me with pleading eyes. “Please, give me your ibuprofen. I have a daughter at home with a 106 degree fever. She is near death, just please find me the ibuprofen!” I assumed the salty old pharmacist had denied him this as well, as this man seemed to be a beggar. He had a tattered gray shirt, blue jeans that were now dirt-brown, and a beard longer than a rabbi’s. And his eyes had the passion of a father that was enough to convince me to hand him the ibuprofen and said “I need the anti-venom.”
He refused the ibuprofen and said “The old gas station… she’s there… you go!” he yelled, handing me a whole pile of anti-venom. I wasn’t about to sort through them yet. “You run, I’ll stay here! You go save your mother, and tell my daughter I love her!” I was about to argue, but I heard sirens. That was my cue to exit, and I wasn’t about to deny it. I called out a “Thank You!” as I ran out of the building. “I’ll save her, I promise!” About halfway to the gas station, I heard a gunshot. I had a feeling who was hit, too. Shaking the thought out of my head, I ran off to the gas station. There I saw a young girl, about my age, lay limp on the ground, nearly dead. At first, I thought that there was no way this was a beggar’s daughter. She wore decent clothes, her hair was not unkempt, and if I didn’t know better she could have gone to my school. I started to cry again; astonished by the power of that father’s love that he would sacrifice everything from his well-being to his life for her. Wiping my face, I broke open the ibuprofen, and put two in her cold mouth. I waited anxiously for her to stir; after all, I had my own mother to save. She coughed and sat up and said “Who are you?”
“A Messenger.” I replied. “I’m here to tell you that your father loves you.”
She smiled and lay on the ground. “My name’s Sarah,” she replied.
“Pete,” I returned.
I realized then that I couldn’t leave her there.She had no family, and no one to protect her from who-knows-what. Besides, my mother was the best nurse in the world. I threw her over my shoulders and started back up the hill. Surprisingly, she had no protests. On the way out, I saw the welcome sign- Welcome to Corona- Population- 124. I took my gun, scraped it against the four until it was unreadable and scraped out a two next to it. The way up the hill was twice as long as going down, but felt ten times as long. I had to move faster, I urged myself, I just have to. With frail Sarah over my shoulder, I finally reached the farm. I didn’t know what to do, I just decided on pouring the whole bottle into the hole when Sarah stopped me. “No,” she said silently, to the point of inaudibility. “Don’t do that. She’ll overdose.”
“What do we do?” I asked.
“We need something what can go into the hole. Like a fork.” She replied. “We insert it into her skin with a little bit of anti-venom on a prong and insert it into the holes. It’ll get into her bloodstream and it’ll have her up in no time.”
“Wow, I gotta admit, you sure are knowledgeable about snake bites.” I remarked.
“That’s what my dad did when I got bit,” she said, looking towards the squished tomatoes sadly. “He’s dead, isn’t he?”
I didn’t know she knew. She faced me bitterly and said “I heard gunshots. I don’t want you to lie to me. Is he dead?”
I squeezed her hand comfortingly and nodded; my mouth dry, before running inside to get a fork. I looked out the kitchen window to see her grasping the bottle of anti-venom, crying. I nearly followed suit. I ran outside with a fork as she rapidly wiped her eyes, trying to give me the illusion that she was fine. I weakly smiled and gave her the fork. “If you know what you’re doing, then please help me.” I said. She took the fork, dipped it in anti-venom, and slid it gently into my mother’s bites. My mom awoke with a gasp, leaned over and moaned “Oh, no, my tomatoes! They’ve been squished.”
Astonished, I blurted out “You just got bit by a snake!”
She blinked in surprise. “I did?”
With tears returning to my eyes, I reached out to give my mom a big hug. “Boy, mom, do I have an anecdote for you!” I led her into the house, Sarah following. I would leave the part out about me trying to rob the pharmacist and reminded myself to teach Sarah how to play Wii later.

[Buff_]

Cool. It's written well, although it could do with spacing it out a bit, add paragraphs where they need to be (add a space instead of just a line down). Some of the dialogue could be written slightly better, the protagonist seems to be talking to much for someone in a hurry. But other than that, great.

[MessengerOfDreams]

I'll ask Ridder to post hers when she is done with it.

[Blablob]

I'll ask Ridder to post hers when she is done with it.

Ridder's a girl? I didn't know that...

[Buff_]

I'll ask Ridder to post hers when she is done with it.

Ridder's a girl? I didn't know that...

Useless comment. At least post something about the story.

[Blablob]

I'll ask Ridder to post hers when she is done with it.

Ridder's a girl? I didn't know that...

Useless comment. At least post something about the story.

Meh. I was just pointing that out.

Even though my vote doesn't count for the challenge, I have an opinion. Like Buffooner said, you should space out your paragraphs. It makes it easier to read, and grabs more people's attention. Second, It was a little difficult to follow. I understand how you are in a hurry and another guy robs the store just as you do, but you just didn't make the action or diologue fit the user. And I didn't like the ending. The mother seemed to revive so suddenly. You seem to be clueless about venomout spiders. I mean really. If your mother is bit by the most lethal spider IN THE WORLD, and you travel 12 miles to and fro, not even COUNTING the time you spent at the pharmacy, do you actually expect her to be alive?

It was a good and entertaining story, no doubt, but it could be better, and if it could be better, than it isn't perfect. Let's see what Ridder has up his sleeve.

[MessengerOfDreams]

So is there anything you did like about it? I read what ridder has, and i can fuhgeddabout winning

[Ridder]

Pete is stuck in a situation. His dying mother needs medicine to help her live, but she doesn't have the medicine. Pete is willing to give his life for his mom, and has considered robbing the local pharmacy to save his mother. If you were Pete, what would you do?Please explain how you would deal with the consequences of your actions.

Of course I has a stories for this.
I will tell in the form of Pete's view.

Giant Mega Ultra Chi- nah, just screwing with you.

To the Extremes
STORY 1: For a Cure.

Three days my mother had to live, three days were all I had to find her a cure. I go over to the local pharmacy, and then I buy some painkillers for myself. I get in my cold, industrial Cadillac, and drive on over to the outskirts of town. It was three in the afternoon, and my mother was deathly ill, heh, I should have probably told you that first, but oh well. What am I doing driving AWAY from the pharmacy? Well, obviously if she has a death-level disease, then a simple Pharmacy can't cure it. No, I'm going where there are more competent people who can help me......

While I was out on the road, I enjoyed the cold feelings that alerted my senses, the desert, moving like a record on a phonograph, the animals, moving as fast as they could go, the jingling of my enormous keys, the tiny slip of cold air rushing through the tiny crack in my window. It was all very astounding, if not, somewhat enjoyable, but this was no time to skip around the good feelings these things brought to me, no, I had a sick relative to save.
I stopped at the foot of a mountain, well known to my folk as "The Mountain of Eve", all who have climbed this mountain have never returned, but it is said that healers lie at the top of the summit, where any cure can be found to anything, whether it be a simple lack of reason, or a deadly sickness that could take one's life away. Here, I would find my "Competent" people.

Well, really, I didn't CLIMB the mountain, I more like, took the mountain path. Yes, before you ask, there IS a mountain path, no one is going to climb thousands of feet just to get cured, that would defeat the purpose of going up there, seeing as how there isn't a safe way down the mountain. I was on foot, because my car was too freaking huge to take on this path, one mistake, and I could be seeing my life flash before my eyes before suddenly losing all consciousness. I don't want that to happen.
Okay, I wasn't exactly prepared, I had a backpack, pistol, a shotgun, ammo, food, water,Climbing equipment, and the proper attire, but I could tell that wouldn't be enough to climb the mountain, I reached a huge gap, this is where the forest ended, hearing the tweets and chatter I heard before leave me alone to my new obstacle. I looked at how far it was from the rest of the path to the edge of the gap, and knew that I wasn't going to cross easily.

CROSSING THE GAP

Okay, so I have retractable grapple hook, a bit advanced, I know, but anything for my mother.
Then there was the small problem of getting my stuff across. If I just simply try to grapple onto the ledge, I will obviously fall from the overweight equipment I had, in fact, it was a mystery as to why I wasn't encumbered.
Well, I was a good throw, so I decided to throw it over the edge, and so, it was to be, my weapons made it along with my ammo, good, defense is still a go, my I wasn't about to throw my food over the edge, seeing as how two water bottles I just threw didn't make it, so I had to find another way to get over there. I guess I was light enough, so I shot my retractable grapple hook, and to my surprise, as the line pulled me along, I was able to jump off the edge just fine, the only problem was, the edge wasn't as stable as I thought it was, soon the piece of earth my grapple broke off. Oh good, just my luck.



And then I thought twice about actually doing that, hah, got you there, didn't I?
In actuality, the gap had a bridge, so I crossed it. The planks creaking with every step, the bridge swaying back and forth, it made a little sick, and when I finally stepped on the hard rock on the other side, I heaved a sigh of relief.
Just to be interrupted as the bridge practically fell apart, the rope snapping, the planks falling out of place, and finally, falling into the abyss, with the only evidence of it ever being there were the spikes that connected the rope to the ground. the sun was setting, good lord, I didn't have time to look back.

BACK ON THE TRAIL

I ran as fast as I could, as far as a could, until reaching the path thin out to edge around the mountainside. I thought of turning back for a while, but then I realized, I was a good hundred feet up, so turning back was definitely out of the question. so, with a bit of anxiety of what might happen, I spread my body along the mountain wall, and started sidestepping upwards.

It took me a good while till I reached somewhere safe to take a step away from the wall, by that time, the bird had already flew and left me in to the company of the moon. I couldn't see anything below anymore, nothing more than a wafer of fog. I made a face and squinted my eyes to try and see past it, but still, I couldn't see a darn thing. Soon, I just gave up and turned around. Only to be met with a dark cave, The kind you see in movies.The only way forward, a dark, foreboding cave. The kind survivors see just before being eaten by zombies.
Man, I really need to stop playing Resident Evil.

THE CAVE

So, it was dark, spooky, narrow, and dead quiet, all the qualities that set a man apart from a mouse.
I think most people would consider me a mouse. I had the flashlight taped to my gun, like what they do in L4D, before startling a witch. I should really switch to playing Little Big Planet. Or better yet, throw out all my horror games.
So, after my little 'lost in a Gamer's thoughts' phase, I noticed I had reached a rather big opening, the narrow walls suddenly expanded to a large round cage that centered around a a small center. There was a small opening, allotting light to cascade slowly to the center, snow descending along with it.
There was something in the light, but at this distance, I couldn't see it, so, I stepped forward, and saw something, it looked strange, but there was no doubt about it.
It was the healer.

THE HEALER

He was one of those bald, peaceful looking monk guys you see in movies, the only difference is, he was drinking tea and wearing headphones.
I approached him quietly, and before I knew it, he was talking to me. "You are Pete Jacob Ellis, are you not?"
I was startled as to how he knew my name, and for that matter, how he even knew I was here.
"Do not ask how." He suddenly blurted out while I was still in my thoughts. Okay, this was turning out creepy.
The next thing I knew, he took off his headphones did something almost strange. "Let's get rid of your imaginary friend, shall we? Only one person went through the tasks you did, and only one shall exchange words with me." I had no idea what he was talking a out, i ag nar frie ? I ad n thing. May Is crazy. Ma I n't come here. M-
..........

Operator: Sorry, but the mind connection has been cut, please wait while we try to reset it.

.........

*TV POWER ON*

So the guy has told me I can't have the cure to my mother's disease till I get to the end of the mountain, ha, how hard could that be?

Okay, so maybe it wasn't that easy.

So I exited that enormous room through the passage on the other end, which shortly lead me to an outdoor passageway high in the sky, the pits on either side covered by clouds, I shouldn't even be able to breathe right now, since I could see the sky change just a few feet above me.
I had to jump over pitfalls, shoot weird creatures, and somehow, at the last second, always dodge an incoming tentacle, it was as if I was playing some video game, or worse, in some stupid story. At last, I reached a huge snake blocking my path, and when I mean huge, I mean Anaconda huge, get what I'm sayin'?

My shotgun provided no help in this matter, for even with one or two up-close shots, it didn't die.
So, in desperation, I pulled out my pistol, pulled the batteries out of my flashlight, and tossed the batteries in a water bottle, I broke my handgun apart and attached the water bottle to it, yes, strange, but it worked out somehow.
A few seconds later, the water bottle started sparking with electricity, and with my divine aiming, shot the water bottle straight into the snakes mouth as it hissed it's last terrible hiss. It took a few moments, but after those moments, the snake jolted back and forth, before finally lurching over to the left, and falling to it's demise.

It was one of those moments, where you think you knew everything about something, and then your jaw drops when you realize, you didn't.
At the end of the path lay one of the weirdest things that should not be there, I mean, this was a mountain for crying out loud!
But no, this world just had to hate me, and everything I owned, for at the end of the path, lay an elevator. Yes, an elevator, this whole time I spent like, what, a day or two, trying to find this guy, and I end up finding out that I could have just taken the elevator. Yeah, I was pissed.

During the time the elevator was descending, I found a small white kit, marked "Cure". I assumed it was a joke, but when I opened it, I found a small vial filled with a blue liquid and a syringe. I couldn't believe it. It was this simple? All I had to do was take the elevator? It was here the whole time?...........By now, you must be able to imagine how angry I was, but I swallowed that anger and just waited as I slowly lost consciousness, remembering that I did not rest at all during this little adventure.

----------
Epeelogue.

When I woke up, I was in my car, except, I was in my car, crashed into the side of a hospital, my ghot's, it couldn't have been all a dream, could it? I went on to think in my madness how insane all of that was, and then I noticed something in the passenger's seat.
It was a small white kit, marked "Cure". That's when I knew none of this was a dream.
I rushed to my mother's room, no pain from that car crash to slow me down, it must have been the painkillers.
When I got to the doorway, I saw my mother on the bed, almost dead, telling from that thing that monitors her heartbeats.
Quickly, I wiped away my tears and opened the case, I took out the vial and filled the syringe with the stuff.
With only seconds away from dying, I quickly injected my mother with the syringe. Nothing happened for a while, but then I realized 'for a while' and then the monitor started beeping regularly again.

I was relieved, happy, and at the same time, nauseous from all these events that took place. As my mother awoke, I realized, I ate a ham and cheese sandwich, oh dear lord, please excuse me for a moment.

***********
Ugh, okay, now I'm sick, so while my mother recovers, I lay here in bed, with a fever and an unsatisfied stomach.
Oh man, what are the guy's at Runouw.com going to think?



The End.


Go ahead, vote for MoY if you wish.


But know this, I know how to use these banhammers, and I WILL use them on you if you don't vote for me.

[Buff_]

YAY! Random story time! *dances*

Jonah waited. His glasses reflected the sunlight onto the neighbouring wall, giving just a glimpse of light there. He was in the shadows of the school grounds, waiting. He had noted down the exits and blind spots as soon as he saw this place. He had to check something out. There she was his girlfriend, Hannah. She had black hair, and wore a stripy scarf for the cold winter. This was the time for the art of stealth; he would follow her to find out about her weird actions lately. Jonah crossed the courtyard, crouched, keeping all light from piercing his white shirt. His back was against the wall, Hannah speaking to a few friends about girly stuff. He wasn’t interested. Jonah peered around the corner of the building, catching a glimpse of Hannah, before shying away so he wasn’t seen. Hannah moved on, the sunlight fading from the ever moving clouds, she stopped at the lunch hall, and nothing seemed to be any different. He saw that there was no trace of that anxiousness she had when she was around him. Jonah followed. Pushing his glasses up, he dashed into behind the nearest bushes, peeping through the gaps in the leaves.
“What are you doing?” A teacher asked. This startled Jonah, he hadn’t seen any teachers.
“Oh…I’m playing a game” he replied, anxious to get away.
“It looks like you’re looking at that girl over there”.
“Oh no. I was just looking that direction so I could see if anyone was coming”.
“You better being telling the truth, this is not something we take lightly here at Scoldon’s High”
“Yes sir, you can ask my friends, they’ll prove that we’re playing a game”.
“I’ll take your word for it; now just get out of those bushes”.

“I was caught”
“Really? I thought you were a master at stealth. You always seem to be able to sneak up on me.” The two share a laugh. Jonah was on the phone to his friend Jamie, they had been best friends since they had met.
“So what are you gonna do about it?”
“I dunno… I could just tell her, and ask”
“No…no.. Don’t do that. Girls don’t like that kind of business, and plus it spoils the fun” Jamie laughs at his own joke, before noticing that Jonah isn’t laughing as well. “It’s really bothering you isn’t it mate?”
“Yeah… I think something is seriously wrong; either with me, or with her.”
“Hey don’t get too bogged down by this. I’ll come with you tomorrow, and if nothing happens, you can ask her yourself.”
“Thanks Jamie…”
That next day, Jonah met with Jamie on the school field. It was lunch time, so everyone was playing games. Luckily, it was a cloudy day, so all light not be directed at them.
“Are you ready?” asked Jamie.
“Er…yeah. I just hope to get all the answers I want”.
“Hey” Jamie said, putting his hand on Jonah’s shoulder, “it’s going to be fine”.
They ran to the school courtyard, in plain sight to avoid looking suspicious. Through the dry courtyard they went, closing in on Hannah’s usual spot to hang out. She wasn’t here. The place was deserted, with only a faint smell of Hannah’s usual perfume.
“She’s not there” Jonah said quietly.
“Well done genius, you can see.” Jamie looked at Jonah “Hey… why don’t you call her tonight, or go on MSN, ask her then.”
“Well… if you say so…” Jonah said, frowning.

Hey r u there? Jonah’s first message on MSN was this. There was no answer. y aren’t u talking to me? A message was being sent, she was writing.
Sorry, can’t really talk, got a lot of hwk, was the reply.
We’ve got to talk. Is there something wrong with me?
No no no no. Nothings wrong with u, its just…
Its just wat? ive been trying to find out…
u really want to know?
YES! Plz just tell me…
Im… im moving house
is that y uve been acting weird?
Yh… I didn’t want to tell u straight away
but ill still see u?
im moving to another country..
but then we won’t see each other!
I know, I didn’t want to get too close, it would break your heart
it is broken, plz speak more
I have hwk, cu tomoz. She logged out. Jonah was devastated, how could this be happening, they had only being going out for 2 months, but she did say she'll see him tomorrow. Things looked better already.

6 weeks later
“I’ll come visit sometime then?” Jonah asked Hannah over the phone.
“Yeah, why don’t you come during the holidays” Jonah smiled at this.
“So, I’ll see you in 2 weeks then?”
“Yeah…. Oh I gotta go Jonah, bye” She hung up.
“Bye…” Jonah was so glad that they had sorted things out. During the weeks before Hannah left, Jonah had come to her, and they had talked about it. From this they came up with a plan to visit each other, this way they could both be happy.