I may not have nailed emotions that well, but that's mainly because I've never experienced something like this before... I tried my best guys.
Hopefully I'll be in a relationship one day...I remember that day… clear as dawn. September 5th, 2009… I was starting college as a freshman. It was the first class, physics, and… I saw her. Her, yes her.
”And, therefore, this is how we use Newton’s laws of physics in this problem.”
Boring. I slouched in my chair, put my elbow on my desk and rested my face on my palm. I felt the weight of my head shift into my arm, and the weight of that dropped into the desk, which released the tension on the ground. How’s that physics for you?
I felt my eyelids begin to droop. Hm, maybe I’d only fall asleep for a few minutes… and then I’d wake up again. Yes, just close those eyelids… drown out those indistinct words that old man over there was blaring. Yeah, that’s good…
“MR. PAM JENKINS.”
GAH! I woke and screamed. I heard laughter erupt around the classroom. I looked around to see the people attending the physics class had looks of utter amusement on their faces. In front of me was the angry old teacher. My cheeks instantly turned red and I stared at the floor.
“That’s what happens when you fall asleep in my class, Mr. Jenkins. In fact, why don’t you answer a question for me? If you hang a ten-kilogram weight on a bendable stick, such as a fishing rod, that weighs one kilogram, how much torque is generated?
“Um… would a one kilogram p*nis work as well? Because if it did, I think the amount of torque would be greater than enough needed to split it in half,” I said cheekily, despite already having fallen asleep.
Laughter erupted again throughout the classroom, this time because the joke was on my teacher. He began to turn an interesting shade of bright red.
“NO IT IS NOT! THAT IS IMMATURE AND GROSS. YOU WILL STAY AFTER CLASS. NO, IN FACT, YOU CAN GO SEE THE PRINCIPAL AFTER,” he yelled in fury. “ARGHHH!”
He yelled his final battle cry to return to the front of the classroom and preaching about Newton again. I felt pretty good about myself. I hope I regained the amount of respect I just lost. I was smiling as the laughter died down and attention refocused on the professor.
I glanced to my right to see a cute, pretty brunette. I kept staring, and I think I might have begun to drool. But it didn’t matter. She was a stunner. I would’ve gone up to her and struck up a conversation with her if it hadn’t been for Professor Grumps. She turned my way and I looked her in the eyes. Her eyes were the same colour as her hair, warm, deep, and beautiful. She winked it me. At that moment, I think my heart jumped out of my chest. I flashed her an embarrassed look and went through the rest of the class feeling as light as a feather.
In that time I would’ve done anything for her… but, ah, I digress… That was once a mirage… a fake sign… in these times of cruelty and bitterness, what can I do? I do love her so…
”Hey… you wanna go out sometime?”
I looked at her with puppy eyes. I wore a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt, with the image on it being “Music.” I looked into her brown eyes and saw the reflection of me with my short shaggy brown hair and blue eyes. We stood just outside of the pizza place we’d hang out for lunch at during the weekends.
She grinned, and stared at the ground, breaking eye contact. I reached out with my right hand from my hip and moved it towards the hands behind her back. I gently put my hand over both of them to see an expression of surprise on her face. I felt her hands break apart and her hand interlock with mine as she brought our hands between us. Then her left hand got mine.
I felt my head starting to lean forward and close my eyes. She broke our hand contact as she wrapped her hands around my neck. They were warm. I followed suit, feeling her smooth skin underneath my hands. Closer, our heads came… until… we kissed. Our first. I felt fireworks.
It was a long kiss that lasted for what seemed like forever. When we broke it, I didn’t want to let go. And you know what she did? The sneaky girl pulled my head towards hers for another one. And I savoured it, every last second of it. And there we were. Pam and Taylor, brunettes, kissing right outside of the pizza store. As we walked back to the college, we held hands, laughing and smiling as we went.
Why? I ask myself sometimes… Why did… why did she have to go? I feel tears well up in the corners of my eyes, and I tell myself not to cry… but… I do. My world is being destroyed before me, and this is far worse than 2012. I’ll lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling, playing through those precious moments again and again.
“Come back!” I’ll scream at the ceiling, often then sitting up with my legs in front of me.
Tears streaming from my eyes, I’ll yell, “WHY’D YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?”
Then I’d crash back down on the bed, crying and hugging my pillow. I’d get up, ten minutes of nostalgia and rage later, with red eyes, ready to brave the world for another hour or so.
There was always that one scene. It goes again and again, and it’s the only pivot that my life can revolve around as everything else dissolves into the background.
”Hey, what’s up? You… you look… really scared. What’s wrong babe?”
There were tears gathering in her brown eyes, today when I looked into them I could not find the warmth I usually found. I found regret and uncertainty.
“P-Pam…” she stuttered.
I offered to hold her but she stood her ground and took a step back. I was taken aback.
“What’s wrong Taylor?” I began to say, baffled.
“Pam,” she said, clearing phlegm, “I… I think… I think I need some time away to gather thoughts,” she choked, blinking through tears.
“Wh-what?” was all I could say.
“I’m… I’m breaking up with you!” she cried, tears streaming down her face, as she ran through the college hallways gathering surprised looks from professors. As for me, I didn’t know how to react. What… what was happening? Everything was whirling around.
In fact, I don’t think the tears began to flow until one minute after the incident. I dragged myself to the parking lot, where I ignited the engine, and drove to my apartment. I stumbled, utterly lost, confused, and broken to my apartment room. I fumbled in my pocket for the keys, and, hands shaking, I inserted the key into the lock and turned it. I dragged myself in, leaning on the handle of the door for support, and then, mustering the final strength I had, I stood up to close and lock the door.
I ran straight to my bed, jumped in it, and began to cry. Heck, I forgot about everything about being a “man.” I just let it out. I banged on the walls, I threw pillows around, but nothing could answer my simple question, “Why?”
Not even her.
She refused to see me… and on the one moment I did ask her, “Why?” She just yelped and ran away. Was… was I a monster to her? What did I do to deserve this? Had it… had it been something… something I’d done? Or… or was this her fault?
The questions just swirled around in my head… I was in oblivion. I told myself that despite of this I should just carry on and take care of myself, but the weight on my chest and mind was so heavy. I was in the middle of a breakdown.
All of a sudden, I heard a knock on my door. Alright, I had to pull myself together, and, I open the door to find… Taylor. Standing right there, a look of apology in her eyes and… and finally I could feel the warmth in her brown eyes.
I immediately asked, “Why?”
She smiled nervously, and just returned with, “Do you think it’s necessary anymore?”
I was confused. Girls always did confound me.
She grabbed the hands behind my back like I did on the first day… and we held each other’s hands once more. I felt… mended. I didn’t care anymore. She was back and that’s all that mattered. And, then again, I felt myself leaning forward and… we kissed. Tasting her sweet lips one more time is something I wanted to cherish forever.
And she came in and we kissed, snuggled in bed, and fell asleep together. And when I woke up, she was still there, and I smiled.
”And do you, Taylor Buttley, take this man, Pam Jenkins, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
She smiled, “I do.”
“Well then, with the power vested in me, I declare you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride,” said the friar.
“I love you Taylor.”
“And I love you too.”
We kissed, sealing happiness, grace, and, for the most part, first love.
