King Whipperson Revenge

[Troll-Haunter 3457]

Chapter 1: Earthquake

"Oh come on!" Stressed Ruach. "Why cant you lend out the book to me to read?" "Because the last time I lended out to you, you ripped it like an animal!" Angered Fadi told him. "Well, I prom--BOOM!! Ruach wondered where the loud boom came from. So Fadi and Ruach went wild to the window. "Ewww...what is the orange blob that is coming towards our great city of citopica!" Ruach asked Fadi. "Well it is obviously lava coming from the earth--LAVA?!" Both of the boys went crazy and ran in a circle 20 times. "We gotta warn the citizens before the lava arrives and melt them into skeleton bones" The boys dashed down the stairs, lied to their mom and speedingly went through the forest to the Citopica. "Holy! We are sweating like we ran from Delusion forest to Citopica lake, which is 3000 miles!" Ruach said. "Coward! Dont even walk! The lava could of been near our city by now, dont be an coward and sprint like the wind--hey, we are in the city now! They both entered the city and ran into the mayor's office. "Mayor! Mayor! Mayor!" Chanted the boys. "What, boys! I do not have time to chat!" The mayor told them. "Lava! Lava! Lava, look out the window!" Boys Chanted again. "Well I looked out the window now and I dont even see anything out the window, you boys must be hallucinating--and i feel an mini-earthquake! "Oh no--BOOMMMMM RUMMMMBBBLE CRRAAASSSHHHHHHHHHHH!" Everybody was screaming in terror as the earthquake became stronger by the minute. "Whats going on, Fadi, how did the earthquake develope?" Ruach and the mayor asked. "Well from my vision, somebody was controlling the earthquake and it sounds like it wanted revenge on Citopica, right now the person is trying to form an supervolcano in the Citopica deserts!" Fadi explained. "Oh no! Who would save the city from devastation and melting of the lava!" The mayor cried that the city's fate is at stake. "Right now, theres only a crack, which means that we could stop the formation and save the city!" Fadi told them in probablity. "But unfortunately, we must stop the person first--HOLD ON, ITS AN AFTERSHOCK!!!" BOOOOOOOOOM CRAAAAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHH RUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE. "Holy! That was tough to survive in. Anybody hurt here?" Asked the mayor. "It lookes like only a few people in the city had been pounded very hard and it looks like they were injured by the devastation of the earthquake!" Fadi explained the situation. "But I heard of Mathman, where is he? We need him to stop his arch-enemy from melting the town!" Ruach prayed for Mathman. But Mathman is nowhere near Citopica.

Thats all for chapter 1: depends of how much there is
There should be around 15 chapters in this story

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

Uh... this writing style oddly reminds me of Scardy, and the mentioning of Ruach makes me suspicious.

But brushing that aside, this story needs work. Lots of it. Grammar's all over the place, paragraphing is nonexistant, the plotline makes no sense, etc. etc. This needs a lot of work.

2/10

[Troll-Haunter 3457]

This is only Chapter 1
The controller comes later though
And finally wheres the grammer mistakes in their

Anyways about Ruach, he also my friend but a best friend in the whole world!
And fadi is my friend too! So I mentioned him.
Anyways, this is similar to the book "Bone 9" with the earthquakes, and the Volcano as the "Mim the great dragon"

[GMDragon11]

This story reminds me of Scardy's stories. I getting to think you're Scardy. What, that's not possbile.
Just was joking there

[Troll-Haunter 3457]

This story reminds me of Scardy's stories. I getting to think you're Scardy. What, that's not possbile.
Just was joking there

umm...is it worse than Scardy's?

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

And finally wheres the grammer mistakes in their

Chapter 1: Earthquake

"Oh come on!" Stressed Ruach. "Why cant you lend out the book to me to read?" "Because the last time I lended out to you, you ripped it like an animal!" Angered Fadi told him. "Well, I prom--BOOM!! Ruach wondered where the loud boom came from. So Fadi and Ruach went wild to the window. "Ewww...what is the orange blob that is coming towards our great city of citopica!" Ruach asked Fadi. "Well it is obviously lava coming from the earth--LAVA?!" Both of the boys went crazy and ran in a circle 20 times. "We gotta warn the citizens before the lava arrives and melt them into skeleton bones" The boys dashed down the stairs, lied to their mom and speedingly went through the forest to the Citopica. "Holy! We are sweating like we ran from Delusion forest to Citopica lake, which is 3000 miles!" Ruach said. "Coward! Dont even walk! The lava could of been near our city by now, dont be an coward and sprint like the wind--hey, we are in the city now! They both entered the city and ran into the mayor's office. "Mayor! Mayor! Mayor!" Chanted the boys. "What, boys! I do not have time to chat!" The mayor told them. "Lava! Lava! Lava, look out the window!" Boys Chanted again. "Well I looked out the window now and I dont even see anything out the window, you boys must be hallucinating--and i feel an mini-earthquake! "Oh no--BOOMMMMM RUMMMMBBBLE CRRAAASSSHHHHHHHHHHH!" Everybody was screaming in terror as the earthquake became stronger by the minute. "Whats going on, Fadi, how did the earthquake develope?" Ruach and the mayor asked. "Well from my vision, somebody was controlling the earthquake and it sounds like it wanted revenge on Citopica, right now the person is trying to form an supervolcano in the Citopica deserts!" Fadi explained. "Oh no! Who would save the city from devastation and melting of the lava!" The mayor cried that the city's fate is at stake. "Right now, theres only a crack, which means that we could stop the formation and save the city!" Fadi told them in probablity. "But unfortunately, we must stop the person first--HOLD ON, ITS AN AFTERSHOCK!!!" BOOOOOOOOOM CRAAAAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHH RUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE. "Holy! That was tough to survive in. Anybody hurt here?" Asked the mayor. "It lookes like only a few people in the city had been pounded very hard and it looks like they were injured by the devastation of the earthquake!" Fadi explained the situation. "But I heard of Mathman, where is he? We need him to stop his arch-enemy from melting the town!" Ruach prayed for Mathman. But Mathman is nowhere near Citopica.

All underlines show grammar mistakes. (How was I even bothered to do that?)

[Troll-Haunter 3457]

I might fix it later though
I have to do current events and my ldc lvl editing