The Four Weapons

[lordpat]

A world where I can dream, that's what I'm asking for...

I really have nothing to say, so just enjoy.

Prologue:My own world: show

Why do we create stuff? Well, everybody has at least one reason. Mine? You may ask, because I’m both bored AND tired from the real world. Before sending me to the asylum, answer me this question: How do we know that everything we see it’s not just a mirage? Why do we call it reality? After all, we could be wrong, and everything we see and touch may be only a fantasy, or maybe fantasies are everything in our lives. It’s not that I’m going to flee from what most call “reality” forever, I’m just going to shelter in a warm, custom world just to relax myself, and I’m asking you to do the same. A world where I can be a God, I decide my own faith, and the faith of the rest, that’s the place where I want to shelter. Just join me, it’s not that hard.
First of all, I need to rip-off some things. Why? Because making a world all by yourself is incredibly hard, especially if like me, is going to be far, far away from here. Here it goes!

EDIT 1: Shortened the prologue a lot.

[SuperMIC]

It's not cliche, it's just the writing style is... quite odd. Very very odd. It really doesn't even have a story feel, it feels more like something that came out of a history textbook. This is basically telling us the backdrop in one of the worst possible ways (sorry, but I need to be true here.). There are A TON of grammatical and spelling errors (It's "Sapphire," not "safire") and although the plot does seem interesting, you still lack other elements.

Another big problem I have is that you're mixing in modern day in this. I mean, MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Did they HAVE Avatar in that world? Was there DOODLE GOD? You have to put the perspective IN the world. You can't just reference things in our world or it'll completely RUIN the mood. This made for quite a bad start. And really? Using emoticons in the story? Ooh boy... you have quite a bit of work to do...

So yeah, fix everything I told you above and otherwise it seems nice... but really the only thing nice at the moment is the plot idea.

-SuperMIC

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

To say this in Minecraft terms: All I saw was 'create new world', then it generated a super-boring thing and I quit.

Seriously, I can't be bothered to read this. To be frank, why do I even want to read a story that isn't paragraphed and has an uncapitalized title?

[lordpat]

It's not cliche, it's just the writing style is... quite odd. Very very odd. It really doesn't even have a story feel, it feels more like something that came out of a history textbook. This is basically telling us the backdrop in one of the worst possible ways (sorry, but I need to be true here.). There are A TON of grammatical and spelling errors (It's "Sapphire," not "safire") and although the plot does seem interesting, you still lack other elements.

Another big problem I have is that you're mixing in modern day in this. I mean, MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Did they HAVE Avatar in that world? Was there DOODLE GOD? You have to put the perspective IN the world. You can't just reference things in our world or it'll completely RUIN the mood. This made for quite a bad start. And really? Using emoticons in the story? Ooh boy... you have quite a bit of work to do...

At difference of EB, I'll take this critic for the better. Something that was confusing (and I must admit it was very confusing) is how is narrated. My point is, at the beggining it's a bit clear but then that's lost, is that the narrator NOW is just the author, it was an experiment that actually seemed to go wrong, what I've should done was just starting all from the first person, and the prologue is the very beggining, were the I talk of reality, and a custom world. The description of the world will be put disimulated as the character narrates (the rest of the story is narrated in first person by the main character). I'm aware of the grammar, but since most is going to disapear, I don't care right now.
The real story willo start soon, I just need to make up my mind and make a GOOD beggining and not screw it up like in EB, wich again, had a good plot(that's never gonna be revealed), but the beggining sucked, and so did the story.
Thanks for the review-
Lordpat.