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Prologue
I haven’t a clue where this all began, but somewhere in this lifetime of mine, something happened that ended my happiness that I thought would last an eternity. My innocence and hope had died along with this burning world. Whatever caused this to happen is irreversible. From that moment, I suppose I got locked into the hellish fate that I stare at in front of me. I was promised a happy future when I was born. Where did that go?
How? How did it end like this? I had so many friends, and a loving family. What could have gone wrong? I know not what mistake fate made to let this fiery, morbid future appear. I look back to my younger years; from my first steps all the way to maybe a week ago. It had been a great 14 years. So why? Why now have I been destined a damned man?
The world before me crumbles as I see the falling debris of this city demolish all of whom I held dear to me. It is not a dream, unfortunately. The deafening sounds of this apocalyptic planet would have awoken me, and the shattered fragments of buildings cutting open small wounds across my body are surely giving me real pain. My ears block off all sound. If it was because I was becoming deaf or because I was in too much suffering, I do not know. All I see are the bodies of my family being crushed underneath the beams of a new office building that was being built a few days ago, my friends among each other, beating each other to death, and my girlfriend, with a metal pipe stuck through her abdomen. Fires spontaneously arose from the streets littered with what used to be civilization, and the earth tore open all around me. I recite my own prayer as I await my own death.
“I don’t know why you let this happen, but I guess I can’t complain… Surely, this is what you wanted? I don’t know how you’ve come to this decision, and the least you can do is tell me… Why is it that we all deserve to end our earthly lives? Please! This is my last request… Uncover the mistakes that have led to this! I want to know why I am to die!” I shut my eyes, hoping the god I worshiped would answer. I kept them that way for awhile, and slowly, my life played through in my mind. The noise of the real world did not return yet.
What?... This told me nothing. What is this joke? Tell me, God! You are supposed to be all-seeing! I burst in tears from my helplessness as I try to decipher this message. All I wanted was an answer, damn it! It was my last minute will, and he gave me a riddle.
No, he is not my god anymore. I will find out myself.
I open my eyes, and my ears have started working again. I awoke not into the bloodstained streets that I thought would be my grave, but in my house, in a small bed that I had when I was five. I look across my room, to the mirror on my door and see a young child, with red pajamas on. Straight, black hair, and midnight black eyes. Was this really a reflection? I looked down to myself and saw that it was indeed a reflection. Scanning my room, everything is different. Everything looks smaller and more colorful. No uniform wooden desk with a computer on top of it; instead, a small, plastic table with crayons and paper on it. No drab, white dresser littered with photos and books; a red dresser with star handles of an assortment of different colors.
I had a feeling of déjà vu. This was my room at the age of five.
The familiar sound of my mother calling me down for breakfast stunned me. Not knowing what
else I could do in such a strange situation, I head down and try to act like I would if I were five.
“You don’t want to be late for your first day, do you, Tsuneo?” my mother scolded as she put down a plate of fried eggs and toast. My first day of elementary school? Was this all real?
“No, ma’am,” I said, as innocently as I could. My voice had changed back to that of a toddler, too, I noticed.
I chomped it all down as fast as I could. It was a habit that I had picked up whenever my parents fed me. They would shove as much as they could to get me to stop crying. For some reason, I can remember that. Memory was always a specialty of mine. I had relied on memory for all of my subjects, and it worked out amazingly.
We were a family of Japanese descent. My parents moved to Sacramento, California when my sister, Maki was born. They were running away from the bad earthquakes that would strike pretty often. They wanted us to be safe. I myself was born about three years after my sister, in 1998. She was always nice to me as little kids, throughout preschool and kindergarten.
“As healthy as ever, Tsun.” Her tone was sarcastic, and it was easy to tell that she was sarcastic. Would I have been able to tell when I was five? I decide to stick with the manners of a normal five year old.
I gave her a fake smile and said, “Mama said I’m healthy!” as if I were talking to myself.
In my head, I was losing it. Just minutes ago, I was on the verge of death, and now, I am a decade in the past, embarrassing myself as I act like how I envisioned myself at this age. Nonetheless, I continue on with the day as I sort my thoughts out. Maki is outside our house, waiting for the bus by herself, and she looks like she herself is deep in thought, so we both concentrate on whatever we have in our heads in peace.
I get little progress until we reach the school. I didn’t listen to the principal during the opening assembly, because I remember perfectly well how it goes. She introduces herself and the staff, then she tells us about how important school is and that we will learn a lot here. Then, she calls up the teachers by last name, allowing them to gather their students. I don’t wait to be called, and my teacher, Ms. Risley looked at me, confused.
“What’s your name, little boy?”
“Tsumeo. Tsumeo Okazu.”
She tilts her head in mock confusion as she scans her attendance sheet. I peer over her as she looks through the S’s. For some reason, this school goes by first name instead of last.
“It begins with a T,” I say with compassion.
This was her first year as a teacher, and I don’t think she had ever met someone with such a name while she was in school. I recall that she was raised in Florida, a place where I don’t usually see Asian as a major demographic.
“Oh…” She pinpoints my name, and her face shines with self-satisfaction. “Thank you, Tsuneo!” Her pronunciation is surprisingly accurate. The first time I met her, she had pronounced it Te-soo-nay-o. Was it because I introduced myself first this time?
Finally, it dawned to me that I was given a chance to start over and stop that ugly future from breaking through. I’ll change this timeline as much as I can if it means retaining my happiness that was forever tainted by the hell that I experienced for a week. I have a deadline of ten years. I will do this no matter what! I smile at my newfound assurance that I will retain that carefree future that was promised to me as I walk with the rest of my class up the aisles and towards our classroom.
