A Game of Cards

[BrawlerEX]

A Game of Cards


Prologue

Sirens wailed through the night sky. One of the most dangerous mentally disordered criminals escaped from Alcatraz. No one

knows how he got through the waters, but all that mattered at the moment was to catch the man with no hesitation. "What the

hell are you doing Hesler!" said the sergeant. Aaron Hesler was a San Francisco detective who everybody said had a gift. The

criminal stole a car and was on the run. "He's on the buildings!" Aaron replied in a stressed tone. Aaron rushed through the

stairs to the roof being careful not to trip. He pulled out his gun and fired with each opportunity he had. Suddenly the criminal

jumped into an alley way in in an odd manner. Thinking how stupid the criminal was he jumped into the alleyway next to the

criminal and turned around to look at him. Aaron's eyes widened. "Report Aaron!" he heard on his radio. "He's dead" he replied in

bewilderment. "So did you shoot him?" He didn't respond. "HESLER!" hollered the sergeant. "He's just dead," he said. Twenty

minutes later the people from the police department arrived and saw no way how the criminal died. Tim just stared at the

body in curiosity. The body looked perfectly unharmed. "Wait! Check the throat!" he yelled. Out of the throat came a simple

Ace of Spades card. Everybody stared at each other in disbelief.


I know it isn't much, but this is my first story and I would really appreciate it if I got some advice and feedback. Chapter 1 might take a while to make cause I have been busy lately. I'm going to attempt mixing the past and present like the author of Holes did in there book.

[SuperMIC]

It's... nice. I don't know what it is, but there's something in the style of this writing that makes it sound quite monotonous, probably because I feel like the ideas you present are a bit cliche. Regardless, the spelling and grammar was good, I guess you just need to... elaborate. More detail.

7/10

[BrawlerEX]

Thanks

Most of what is going on will be explained in the 1st chapter.

[NyansIsAPyro]

I'm not sure what the plot is so far, but it's slightly interesting. A bit overused, but interesting. I would suggest not using double spaces so often; it was hard to read, even when I strained.

[SuperMIC]

I'm not sure what the plot is so far, but it's slightly interesting. A bit overused, but interesting. I would suggest not using double spaces so often; it was hard to read, even when I strained.

...

So apparently reading single-spaced writing is easier than reading spaced out writing.

[BrawlerEX]

Discontinued

I am too busy for the story until about next month.