Dimensions

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Dimensions

Postby Dr. Ocsid » May 27th, 2012, 4:36 pm

This story was originally intended as a short story series. I have since changed it to a long, normal story.

This story will tell of my (completely fictional) adventures with an inter-dimensional teleporter.

NOTE: Only the prologue will be in a "log book" format. The rest of the story will be in normal story format.

Prologue: show
May 27th 2012, 8:49 A.M.
This is Alex here. I have just started wrk n my newest inventin. It's classified right nw, but i'll reveal it sner or later. This inventin will be the mst successful inventin in the histry of inventins! But first I need t get past the crudely-drawn blueprint. S I need t g t the stre t buy metal parts. And a new key fr my laptp's keybard.

May 27th 2012, 10:35 A.M.
Okay, I got the metal, transistors, any other parts that I need, and a new O key for my keyboard. Unfortunately I had to buy a whole other laptop to take the O key off and put it on my new one, so I have this useless laptop laying around now. Eh, I'll use it for something. Now I need to get to work.

May 30th 2012, 4:29 P.M.
Okay, I've finally got it done. It's finished. Imagine what it will be like... it will be awesome. Now i'm gonna go eat this delicious ice cream sundae while I go work on my invention (Which is about 1/16th done)

June 26th 2012, 1:29 P.M.
Finally, I got a new laptop after spilling my ice cream sundae all over my old one. Thankfully, with my laptop broken I didn't have Team Fortress 2 to distract me from the invention, so i had lots more time to work on it. It's actually almost done. I found a use for that other laptop, which... I... could have just used as a replacement for my old one... Eh, no matter. I needed it for my invention anyway. I'm installing it into the invention to handle all the things I want it to do, although it's mainly for one thing. So all I need to do now is program the laptop.

June 30th 2012, 12:58 P.M.
I think it's about time I revealed what my invention is, to whoever might be reading this. I call it my Super Deluxe Four-Seated Super-heated Air-Conditioned Plutonium-Powered Extra Luxurious Unnecessarily Long-named inter-dimensional teleportation device. Phew, that was a mouthful. Er, a fingerful. You could also call it the SDFSSHACPPELULNIDTD. Or just "Teleporter". It takes you anywhere you want to go! ...Well, not really. Currently it takes you to random dimensions, so there's a very slim chance it would be the dimension you want to go to. For all I know you could end up in a volcano. But no time to worry about that. Time to test it out!

~TO BE CONTINUED~
Last edited by Dr. Ocsid on August 19th, 2012, 7:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Dimensions

Postby Dr. Ocsid » August 15th, 2012, 11:12 am

Okay, I updated the story. I would like some reviews on the Prologue, so I know what to change or remove.
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Re: Dimensions

Postby Chaukai » August 15th, 2012, 11:20 am

I like the effect of the missing o button, but the entire prologue itself is a bit weak. Maybe it's just me, because I don't prefer this sort of storytelling, but it just always for me seemed a bit too forced. It's fine, but you need to flesh out the story a little bit more.
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