Fate/Fantasy Unleashed

[Chaukai]

To my single person audience, chapter 3 is out! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

[nin10mode]

I don't know what in the Fate universe is left to explain, but so far, you've explained it effectively.

It's also an interesting story and I love your writing style.

[Karyete]

Wow. Just...wow. That was a great story. Although I only read 1 chapter, I loved every word of it. MoD/10 for sure.

[Chaukai]

I don't know what in the Fate universe is left to explain, but so far, you've explained it effectively.

It's also an interesting story and I love your writing style.

Thank you! If you have any problems, please take note of them! Thinking about it, mostly everything necessary about the Fate Universe has been explained. Now it's pretty much just a stand alone at this point.

Wow. Just...wow. That was a great story. Although I only read 1 chapter, I loved every word of it. MoD/10 for sure.

Ehehe, thank you. Please keep on reading!



Chapter 4 is out! I think it'll be a good treat for all those who have seen the show.

[Chaukai]

Chapter 5 is out I guess...

[SuperMIC]

Cahoo. You've presented me with the perfect opportunity for a review! I haven't written one in quite a while... maybe in a few years idk.

So I'll start off with what I really liked. I have no idea if this really was based on an Anime, but I really like the concept. Of this war where each mage has their own Servant. It reminds me of... mmm... something from my childhood I forgot lol. Your fight scenes are very descriptive and well thought out, as well as other scenes of course. Good job.

The main problem I have with this story is that it doesn't get to me.

It's a bit hard to explain, but there's a few individual problems that caused this. I'll explain each one in a paragraph.

The most problematic one is that I can't feel the characters. I can't feel the story. It feels as if you're reciting events rather than immersing the reader into the story. While reading, I always hardly have a feel for the setting, which obviously is the foundation which you need to build your events on. The rememdy for this is obviously description. More more and more. Can't get enough of it. I'd really love a bit of sensory imagery once in a while. How the chaacters felt the cool air touching their skin, they smell the rust-like stench of open blood, they feel and whatnot. I really think you just need to develop the setting, descriptive enough that we can each have a feel for our own setting, but loose enough so we don't feel forced into one certain place. Then build up the events. Another problem is that you've hardly defined your character's aesthetics. Okay, Saber has light blue hair. K. But what are the prominant characteristics of his face? What in the ♥♥♥♥ is he wearing? What about Kaast? I actually think not once you described how he looked. Okay, creepy guy and Lancer have a brown cape, then what? Are they naked? Is she muscular? Thin but strong? We need these descriptions! :3

Next: I don't have a feel for the protagonist. Who are we supposed to be focusing on? I'm going ahead to assume it's Kaast, and I know it's Chapter 5, but I really really really want character development. It's basically what we live for in the story, no? I know you're introducing characters, but more often than twice every five chapters to show the main character (again going with Kaast as my assumption) would be nice.

Third and finally, it's a bit of a smaller problem but the grammar isn't exactly perfect most of the time. I've had parts in your story where I had to re-read a section literally 3-5 times because I didn't understand what it meant. I recommend doing a checkover of your chapters just to rat out any errors, and in the future read your chapters over too (not saying I assume you don't do that currently...!)

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So yeah. That was just my two cents. I really like this story, keep going!

7.5/10