Assassin Racconto
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This subforum is for regular stories, that aren't based off the forum or isn't a fanfiction.
This subforum is for regular stories, that aren't based off the forum or isn't a fanfiction.
Assassin Racconto
by KevinOC » September 8th, 2010, 9:39 am
Don't you just love it when stories are taken down for maintenence?
Last edited by KevinOC on September 25th, 2010, 2:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Assassin Racconto
by MessengerOfDreams » September 8th, 2010, 9:44 am
Hmm... this is really detailed, and visible, but It's a tad bit short and rushed. 
Overall, a good start. 7/10
Overall, a good start. 7/10
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Re: Assassin Racconto
by KevinOC » September 8th, 2010, 9:46 am
The first chapter in every one of my stories is rushed. Mainly because I usually write them on my iTouch at 11 PM.
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Re: Assassin Racconto
by Ridder » September 19th, 2010, 7:08 pm
Ah, cool, but you know, it'd be awesome if you didn't reveal the fact that he's supposed to be an Assassin too quickly, though.
you know, it would have been cooler if you'd ease into it, characters acting more as they should, a cloaked man behind a sewer wall conversing with outsiders like it's a normal conversation out in the open is less "assassin-ish" and the flow between the man greeting them but immediately telling Lauro his final test.....just didn't sound right.
True, your sentence structuring could use a little work.
But all in all, I support a story about assassins in Italy.
8/10
Maybe it's because I'm a hooge fan of Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Master Assassin, pope murderer and expert free-runner, but I digresh.
Also,
IT BEEN TWO WEEKS MAN. WHERE NEXT CHAPTER?
you know, it would have been cooler if you'd ease into it, characters acting more as they should, a cloaked man behind a sewer wall conversing with outsiders like it's a normal conversation out in the open is less "assassin-ish" and the flow between the man greeting them but immediately telling Lauro his final test.....just didn't sound right.
True, your sentence structuring could use a little work.
Fix that wrote:"Hey, Giovanni! So good to see you!" cried out the chef.
But all in all, I support a story about assassins in Italy.
8/10
Maybe it's because I'm a hooge fan of Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Master Assassin, pope murderer and expert free-runner, but I digresh.
Also,
IT BEEN TWO WEEKS MAN. WHERE NEXT CHAPTER?
THE CREED: Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted.
"...That's rather cynical."
"It would be if it were doctrine, but it is merely an observation of the nature of reality.
To say that Nothing is True is to realize that the foundations of society are fragile, and that we must be the shephards of our own civilization.
To say that Everything is Permitted is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with the consequences, whether glorious...or tragic."
-Ezio Auditore da Firenze explaining the Creed, 1514, Masayaf.
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