Crying Blood

[TrappedTime]

Short stories of a murderer on the loose.


________________Today was one of those days where you don't want to do anything. Or so thought Jessica, a 16 year old girl who had her birthday days ago, 16. She was a pretty girl, with long blonde hair, curvy body, and a cute smile. Not only did she have the looks, she had the talent. She was smarter than most girls in her school, and she was proud. Living in a school full of idiot queens, that's how she felt.
________________That day Jessica was walking along the sidewalk when she heard somethign from the bushes. She turned back to seeing only the bushes. Feeling nothing at all, she kept walking, heading towards the mall. a few minutes later she heard some more rustling in the bushes. now she felt something. She felt fear. Grabbing the bushes' branches and moving them away from the middle, she saw a face. "Ahh!" she screamed and jumped back, as the man in black came out. He took tape and started wrapping it around her, so she couldn'tescape. Jessica, one block from the mall, did nothing to show signs of fear.
________________Jessica awoke several hours later, finding herself staring into the eyes of a cold-blooded killer with a knife in his hands. She was trying not to show fear, but her face showed otherwise. Hanging from a rope tied to her hands, 20 feet above the ground, Jessica knew what was going to happen. But when he made a move, she thought differently. The man tok the 6-inch knife and put the tip to her neck. The girl, crying, didn't make a movement, knowing any would cause the knive's tip to puncture her neck. The man then took it off her neck and made a slit on her forhead. Blood started running down her nose. He then made two other cuts, above her eyes. Jessica closed her eyes, trying not to get blood in them. The man, satisfied, cut the rope and Jessica plunged to her death.
________________The cops showed up too late. The cuts on her skull sealed up. They investigated for hours but couldn't explain the blood beneath her eyes. They gave up and took her body to the mourge.

----The End----

[Before you criticise this being too short, i stated above these would be short]

[Blablob]

Sounds like a really bad horror movie

Heh, sorry TBG. Pretty good, better than some things I've seen you do, but it was very predictable and, well, not scary at all.

[Ridder]

Okay, I have twenty sticks, and I will place them down whenever I find there to be an error, your total remaining sticks I have for you will be your score out of twenty.

Where did the murder take place?
......She fell to the ground, that's all I know.
PLANT.

How could she get kidnapped on a sidewalk? Streets are usually very busy.
She just got kidnapped a block away from the mall.
PLANT.

How did the murderer actually murder Jess if she was twenty feet off the ground?
......
PLANT.

Why Jess?
.......
PLANT.

First Paragraph: Good description, good plot setting good everything.
Second Paragraph:Grabbing the bushes' branches and moving them away from the middle, Getting kidnapped for no apparent reason.
Third Paragraph:Shortest bloody murder I've ever read.
Last Sentence: Epilogue.

.......PLANT.

Any real character development?
No.........PLANT.

Anything to make the murderer stand out?
.....no, he acted like a typical mystery murderer.....
PLANT.

looks like I got 13 sticks for you, that's a 13/20, in layman's terms, you got a 65% out of 100 from me, I'm sorry, but it could have been better if there were a few more paragraphs in it, give the murderer something to make people hate him, for all he did was murder.
Make us feel sorry for Jess, but all she did was die on this random day.

But then you don't wanna listen to anybody, and you will continue to make stories your own way. Which means you aren't going to make any progress at all.

[TrappedTime]

But then you don't wanna listen to anybody, and you will continue to make stories your own way. Which means you aren't going to make any progress at all.

Silly person : P

I will do better next story.

[Blablob]

Silly person : D

I will do better next story.

Not amusing

You act like that EVERY story, but do you actually do it? No. Look back at my first story, My World. It isn't that good; original, and amusing, but not very good. As for my newest stories, Kympo and A lesson to be learned, they are a huge step up. You know why? From criticism, my friend. From those who point out the mistakes. You wanna know what I called you a long time ago, TBG? A baby, that's what. But you aren't. You're 14. So for Pete's sake, don't ignore criticism for your work.

[Chaukai]

Silly person : P

Silly person : D

How did that smiley change? o.O

[Blablob]

Silly person : P

Silly person : D

How did that smiley change? o.O

I had posted my post BEFORE quoting him. I had to go back and edit by quoting him, but I made the smiley wrong.

[TrappedTime]

Story Two : The Trapped Ice

___________John. 16. Partly mental. He was thinking his name in his mind for a few minutes. He didn't know why, but somehow it was useful. John. Nothing could stop him if he said it over and over again. Not even nature could. John. But this time, he stopped in 10 minutes. He usually stopped in an hour, so he knew something was wrong. John.
___________Taking the first step outside, into the fridged cold, John stared into the white. He stared into it, and he saw just white. Nothing but pure white. John. His mind racing, thinking it was too white. His mind twisting, thinking it was too quiet. His mind, John. John then took another step, into the snow. He felt the world falling asleep, everyone, but one person. Looking down, he saw a pothole. Unlike John's stay-in-home attitude, this time he went down.
___________My phone, John thought, as he reached into his pocket and pulled it out. The light from the phone lit up the area underground. Walking around, looking for any sign of disturbance, John found a square. Crouching down, he lit it up, and felt it with his hands. Ice....he thought. He tried breaking it with his feet. Shatter! It broke and John jumped down. Bum! He landed and fell to his knees. Then, his phone went out. The giant block of ice he was in started to get colder. Soon, John could only feel his forhead.
___________The man came in through a hidden door, with a knife. But John didn't know, and kept saying his name in his head. John. Just sitting there. John. The man got closer, so he repeated his name faster. John, John. The started choking John, preventing him from yelling. John! The man then cut two slits under John's eyes. Then threw him against the wall, breaking John's back.
___________John. John's mother started hearing his name. She knew something was wrong, and started crying. The man underground sealed up the hole so no one could reach John.

-The End-

[MessengerOfDreams]

I will never sleep again.

Thanks a frigging lot.

These just seem pointless. Do you do this to vent? Had a bad day, failed a test, the girl of your dreams gave you the finger, I'm just gonna go home and write about someone being viciously murdered. I can assume Jessica was that girl and John was a bully you want revenge on. You must be the killer.

[Blablob]

I will never sleep again.

Thanks a frigging lot.

Really?

Is it just me who isn't scared at all by these stories?