Crying Blood

[Ridder]

Nah.

These stories aren't scary at all.

Seen someone get murdered on the streets?
Seen someone scream in the night as they get spirited away by a phantom demon?
Seen someone die from something that was never really there?

That is at least trying to be REMOTELY frightening, even if it's a cliche.


This..........this is........no. It's just a thirty second murder story. Underdeveloped, Unloved, Unlikable.

[TrappedTime]

Nah.

These stories aren't scary at all.

Seen someone get murdered on the streets?
Seen someone scream in the night as they get spirited away by a phantom demon?
Seen someone die from something that was never really there?

That is at least trying to be REMOTELY frightening, even if it's a cliche.


This..........this is........no. It's just a thirty second murder story. Underdeveloped, Unloved, Unlikable.

My intent for these stories are not to be scary, but to help me understand what you see that I'm missing.

Story Three - The Lotto Ticket

__________Ahh, that fresh smell of a sunny day. The sun is shining, the clouds are elswhere, and it's the perfect temperature. People were busy, the streets weren't crowded with cars, and it was sort of silent. So today, Sally decided to go to the mall. Sally is a 32 year old woman who has a job at a bank. She has brown hair that curls at the ends and she's thin. She always wears a blue-beaded bracelet for good luck, for she has been playing in the lottery for 10 years. But this time she feels a good chance of winning.
__________Putting on her red necklace on and started out the door, grabbing her velvet[I don't know what velvet is...] purse on the way. She walked outside and got into the car. Starting the car, and ajusting the mirror, Sally began a shopping day. She started out the curved driveway and into the streets of the city. A few minutes later she reached the mall's parking lot. Stepping out of her car, she noticed a man in her rear-view mirror. She looked back but he vanished within a second[I never said he was human]. "Hmm, must have been my imagination" she said as she put on her lipstick. Sally stepped out of the car, shut the door, then locked the car.
__________The first place Sally went to was the lotto shop. She purchased a lottery ticket and looked at her numbers. 56-93-442. "Ooh, an interesting assortment of numberrs today." she said as she smiled at the clerk. Walking out of the shop and into Macy's, Sally gladfully smiled. "Ooh, I like this purple dress. It's so, oh fudge, what's the word..... Eligent! This dress is quite eligent." she said to herself. She took it off the rack and hung it on her purse. Then she went to the shoes section. One of her favorite parts of shopping was the shoes. She loved how they made shoes so fun and glamorous. "Hmm, I think these red shoes would compliment my purple dress. Excuse me!" she exclaimed, pointing to a lady. "Do these shoes go with this dress?" she asked.
"Oh yeah, they go greatly with it! Oh, and wanna know a little secret?" she responded.
"What?"
"You should get a black necklace"
"Thanks, I'll go do that now"
__________And she did. With all of her purchases made, Sally left the store with her new fashion statements. "Oh geeze, I think that burrito caught up to me" she said, as she rushed to the bathrooms. Banging the door into the wall, Sally stepped into a stall and did her business. A minute later she stepped out of the stall and in front of the mirror. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the man again. "Ugh! What are you doing in a woman's bathroom?" she surprisingly asked". He said nothing. Then he ran forward and grabbed her by the throat. The woman couldn't breathe or say anything, helpless. He brought her into the stall she was just in and forced her head into the toilet bowl. He flushed the toilet, sucking the breath out of the helpless and wimpy woman. Her tears wnet into the sewer, just like the water, lost among the many other drops. Once she stopped breathing completely, he took the knife and cut two slits under her eyes and left her there, to be found by anyone else.
__________He looked at the tv screen and saw the lottery on. "And the winning numbers toady are 56-93-442. The man silently laughed and left the bathrrom through his secret passage way.

[Blablob]

One thing I gotta point out.

Stepping out of her car, she noticed a man in her rear-view mirror. She looked back but he vanished within a second[I never said he was human]

If he isn't human, then why do you say he's a man? Last time I checked, men are human.

Other than that, I actually found it pretty interesting. It was predictable, like your other stories, but other than that it was good.

[TrappedTime]

-post poned-

My stories will be post-poned for now.
Don't ask why.

[Buff_]

Story Four - Irresistable
[Try to figure out how I made the space]
__________Tisk tisk tisk, poor Cindy. Cindy was one of those girls who didn't excercise, consquently gaining unwanted fat. But to her, she didn't stop. She kept going on even if it meant not losing what she needed to lose. Cindy is a blonde ponytail-haired girl. Her favorite food are chocolate turtles[got that from "Everybody Hates Chris"]. Every day she would go to the fridge, take out the red box, and snack on 5 of them.

What? And die?

Great story *claps* she died from heart failure.



Also, you used the colour of the post to get the blank space.