The Painter

[lordpat]

See? I don't care about you. I used to, but I lost my respect towards you. I can see why.
I sucked. I always did. I always will and shall suck. I'm not good at this. I never was. I never will and shall be. But you know what? At least I cared. At least I cared about you. I know....I know, I was no good at painting, I can see my paintings for real now. For myself, without your help. I don't care about you, and I never will anymore.

I spent so much time painting. I couldn't think of anything beside that. Painting and you were the only things that mattered. I workd ages on my paintings, on every single detail, and only once I felt I was finished, I called you and asked you for a review.

Then you came in. Your fist phrase was always "let's see", followed by countless obvious mistakes I made while painting. Every single mistake, without any kind of anesthesia was like knife in my neck. Then you said "You should start from scratch", and you were gone again.
Do you know how many times I cried alone in my bed? How much I looked at my paintings, and only remembered your hurtful words? But I was optimistic. I started from scratch nevertheless. Because I thought I could get better.
I never improoved, not at all. I was lost, completely lost and trapped in this deadly, likesucking rutine.

But I grew up. For myself. I don't know how. I just did. I realized I sucked, I realized I was a failure, all by myself. I realized I was the worst painter in the world, and that I had no cure. I did that all by myself, without your hurtful words. Impressive, isn't it? I can now look at myself objectively. I can now ignore my feelings for my paintings, and I can judge them properly. I can now see with my own eyes how much of a disaster I am, and I always will be. All by myself. I don't care about you, I don't need you anymore. You were just a hurtful, horrendous being. Now, I can be myself.

Last nigh I burned all my pieces, I decided that by myself. And this little drop of poison is just for to you realize I don't care about you, and never will anymore.