I am just a recipient of reality. Yes! You are too! We all percieve reality....but what is reality? Is it something that actually exists? No. Reality does not exist. Yes, that is right. We are recipients of something that does not even exist. There is a reason of that: reality needs us. We all as individuals have a different perception of reality, but because we invent that reality. It makes sense if you think about it. We build our reality. We build it from scratch, when we are babies. But...our parents come. They need to make sure the reality we create is similar to the reality they have created, which is also similar to the reality their parents have created, and so on. Those who morph their reality influenced by society, are those who have a happy, "sane" life. Those who are loyal to their own creations, to their own realities that won't change, are called "insane". Guess in which group I am.
Since I was a child I have seen shadows on the walls that talked to me. They were friendly though, except the sofa's shadow. It was not "Evil", it was just mean to the other shadows. It was always big, bossy...I never liked them. Everywhere I go the shadows talk to me, with a very friendly tone, and I answer. People look at me with those despective looks I can't forget. They remind me to the sofa, you know? They feel superior, that they have the right to judge me. Well, luckily, in this reality I don't care about them. My shadows and I are more than enough. I lived a happy life, but sometimes the other people decided to get their noses in my reality. I explained them the phrase above, but they never understand. I can't blame you if you don't understand it either, but in my reality, it is very easy to understand. Or at least that is what the shadows told me.
I found no excitement on watching TV with other children. Just by speaking to the shadows I as more than happy, it was so much fun. They always called me smart, genius. I wished my parents agreed though. My father was extremely arrogant and competitive. He could only speak about himself, and how he got first in that stupid race he ran in High-school. Yes, he still talked about his victory in a random High-school race. I remember I once tried to explain his victory from my perception of reality:
"Dad, did you run during the morning or the evening?"
"On the evening. It was amazing, with the sunset going, that victory was amazing..."
"Oh, which direction did run towards?"
"Ehm....foward?"
"I mean East, West, North...."
"Oh! I ran to the East. The Sun was behind my back, I will never forget that..."
"Well, in fact you did not win."
"What?"
"Your shadow won. If you were running to the East and it was during the sunset then..."
"WHAT? Look honey, I won that race. I have a trophy!"
"Well, in my reality, that trophy means nothing then. You did not win."
"Well, in THIS reality, I will smack you in the head for being an j*ckass"
He smacked me quite often. I gave up to try to explain him my reality, it only made him angry. I guess in his reality, not winning is unallowed.
Dad's shadow was very friendly, he completely understood me. He was calmed and humble, and he admitted that in my reality, he had won the race. Still, he said he did not care about a retarded trophy. He said that if it meant so much to my father, then it is better for him to keep it.
Mom was special too. She was strict and only cared about my grades. In her reality, having bad grades it was the same as death.
"Son, how did you do in your exam?"
"I got a 95% in Maths"
"Really? Congratulations! That is amazing! What did you get in Literature?"
"I got a 60%"
"A 60%? 60%! That is just pathetic! You are so stupid! You did not study, didn't you?"
"I did!"
"Then why you did so poorly?"
"I got distracted with the test's shadow, it was so funny...." (in my defence, it was really funny)
"You need to pay more attention during your exams!"
"Sorry, it was just so fun..."
"Why would you find the shadow of a test hilarious?! Are you....you know what? I don't care! Just learn to pay more attention or I will use the ruler!"
The ruler was a very long, wodden ruler. The marks on them were faded, so it barely served its original purpose. However, my mom used it for smacking me. It hurt more than my father's smack.
The ruler's shadow was very soft and cheerful. I don't know how I'd have made it all those times without her. She was there...always there....
Hold on a second, Ronald. You said this shadow was female? I thought they had no gender coming from inmaterial objects. I can imagine your father's shadow being male but why do you think that shadow was female?
I don't know, Janet! I always pictured her as a female person!
Hmmm, maybe she is a relfection of someone in your life.
No, this shadows are not reflections. They are individual beings, they have nothing to do with the material world.
Hmmmm .Have you ever fallen in love?
Sigh, yes. Her name is Elizabeth.
How did you met her?
I will get there in a bit....I would like to continue what I was telling.
Fair enough. Continue.
Anyway, my parents had very annoying versions of reality that did not match mine. That is why I decided to escape when I was 14. I realized that I could not live with them, with those who could not accept my reality was different from theirs. I've never seen them again. I heard my mom has died from a heart attack and my dad spends 20 hours a day looking at his shinny trophy. Retarded realities....
Well, you said you left them because they could not accept your reality. At the same time, you seem to have a hard time accepting their realities.
Their reatarded realities made me suffer. I have no problem on them suffering; as long as they don't interfiere with me!
You never cared about someone else?
Why should I? Only I can talk to the shadows. I am able to be happy on my own. My shadows tell me I am the best one in the world. I don't need the rest.
Ok. We will talk about this later. I am intrested on knowing about Elizabeth.
I ran away at a young girl's house, the only girl I believed she could understand me. Her name was Elizabeth. She was one year older than me, and she already worked full-time. I remember she used to be a classmate of mine at school, but her parents died when she was 11 and she had no relatives left. Well, in my reality that is what happenned. In her, they were still alive, they were just unable to work. They had a car accident. They are buried in the graveyard, but Eli insisted that they were with her at her at home.
I arrived at her house. I could not believe I remembered where she lived. I mean, we were classmates, but we were never actual friends. I did go to her house once to make a school project.
I rang the bell.She opened the door, she looked beautiful. Her hair was purely black and her eyes were a very soft green. Her skin was pale with freckels on her cheeks. She looked at me. It took time for her to recognize me. When she did, she was incredibly surprised...
"Ron...what are you doing here?"
"I need a place to live."
"Are you insane? You can't ask someone you barely know to live with her!"
"In your reality it may be insane, in my reality it sounds normal. Look, I know how you feel about your parents. I believe in your reality, they exist and I respect that. I want to be with someone that accepts my reality."
"Your reality?"
"Yes, I speak with shadows. People look at me in a weird way when I do so, but I don't give a crap. I only care about myself."
She smiled at me. She opened the door, and asked me to get in.
"Are you parents ok with this?"
"Yeah, I think they should. After all, I am the one that gets the money for the house."
She allowed me to sleep on the couch, place that would become my bed for 10 years.
10 years? That is surely a lot of time.
In your reality it is, in mine it is not.
I see...
Anyway, I got a job in an office. It was not too bad though, the computer's shadow was very wise. He was so clever and had the answer to any question. I once asked it "Am I prefect?", it answered me "Yes, in your reality, you are. And that is what it matters." I was so excited to hear that.
In the house, Eli and I fell in love quite quickly. I started to see her parents in the house, and she started to speak with shadows too, and that way we could share our realities and...
Well, I find that very intresting. You said you did not care about the rest's reality but just yours, and that you would not morph your reality. Am I wrong?
Yes, you are wrong. Very wrong, my reality is the only one that matters. You are wrong because...eh...Anyway, my life turned happy for so long. And Eli was happy too. We never got married or anything, in our realities that did not matter. It all went well unti...after 10 years of living with her...she BETRAYED ME.
She did what?
She came home one day after work. It was later than usual, so I asked:
"Hey, why did you get late?"
"In your reality it is late, in my reality it is not"
"Eh...sure. How was your day?"
"It was wonderful. In the bus I met a friend of my mother, her name is Ann."
"Ann?"
"She is a lovely person. And she spoke to me with very wise words."
"What did she say? Are you sure it was not a shadow? Except me and you, nobody is wise but shadows."
"She was not. She made me understand something very weird, that I did not considered....maybe I did care about the rest after all."
"What? Why would you? Their realities are not intresting and...ugh...maybe your mother will make you enter in reason."
"I think I need to stop seeing my mother, and understand she is not here with me...someday you will understand what I am talking about..."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"I think I have a problem...a mental pro-"
"What? What? WHAT? SHE IS ALIVE, RIGHT THERE! WHO CARES IF IN OTHER REALITIES SHE IS NOT REAL, IN YOURS IT IS AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!"
"No, I understood something...I need the rest! I need to change my reality to be happy! I cannot live in a lie of others, even if it is a truth for me. I want to learn about the rest realities, that is how you build your reality!"
"That is pure bullsh*t! I created my reality myself! I don't care about the rest! My shadows are the ones that make me happy! Not other's pathetic realities!
She started to cry. And she cried very deeply.
"After all, you still preffer your shadows over me! You are an arrogant ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, in my reality and in yours too!"
In all this anger, I grabbed a knife and tried to stab her. However, a shadow (I think it was the microwave's) told me to stop, that she did not deserve attention from me. She took this time to escape and call the police. And here I am! In both of our realities it seems.
Why did you feel so angry and betrayed when she decided to change her reality? Maybe you care about her, maybe you realized that she was important to you. More important than your shadows, much more important. With who you were happier: with your shadows or with Eli?
With...with...ha. I guess I was happier with Eli, much much happier.
And you were happy with her because you were able to change your reality acording to Eli's. Ron...your shadows cannot make you happy. Your reality itself cannot make you happy. Happyness is born when you share with other people, when you accept their realities and try to understand them. Trying to share opinions, trying to communicate, trying to morph our reality with the rest's, that is the meaning of happyness. You need the rest. Your reality itself never made you happy, and you discovered that when you met Eli.
You are wrong...my reality is important!
Of course it is, but your reality needs other realities to be completed. You need other people to be happy!
I guess...you may be right...I will think about it...and try to think if my reality is not really the only important one...
Good. Wonderful. Incredible. You are realizing something, you know? I am making you think! That means my reality is influencing yours.
True.
Look, it is important we spend more time on this. You had childhood issues, it makes sense that you tried to isolate from the rest. You thought that all the realities were just like your parent's. But understand this: it is not. Eli understood this. Eli understood that she needed to learn from other people's reality to understand that her living with her parents was not something that would make her happy. She understood that in order to be happy, she needed to learn from the rest!
Ok, ok. I got it. Still, I will think about it.
Tomorrow we will continue. But believe me, you are a smart person, in my reality at least. I am sure you will be able to learn from other people's reality without losing the escence of yours. Life will be brighter for you from now on, I promise.
...I don't know....I think you are right. I will think about it though.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I am a recipient of reality. A reality that is influenced and morphed by other people's reality, because I know they need me the same way I need them. I, by myself, am nothing. However, with the rest I am a person. A person that learns, becomes smarter and does not trap himself in his own lies. A person that cares about the rest because he understands how impotant they are. And-
Hmmm? what is that noise...
Eli! You are here! I am sorry...so sorry...I love you.
The end.
Edits for spelling mistakes counter: 2.
