Existence to Extinction

[CaptainAmerica2]

I, myself, cannot last any longer in this blistering, scorching sunny day as my legs were roasted for lunch by nature's grill. Tremendously, my whole entire face was beaded with smelly salty sweat that drip down from my exhausted face as my tongue poked out for nearby cool refreshing waters to my feathery arms in which that if it competed with an ant, it would've been prevailed over. As I was advancing towards a local shop that sold flip-flops for 3 shiny silver necklaces and brownish coca beans, my feet was continuously grilled for swish- kabobs as nature turned the black dial on the oven a notch. Black scars, and purplish bruises crept onto my burnt puppies. Reaching towards my destination, I desperately smashed my pounding hungry fists onto the shop's timber surface, and retrieving a world-ending excruciating splinter deeply invaded my vulnerable weak thumb's fancy bloody center, as my red gushy survival liquid burst out in freedom, after being adventurously born trapped there for long-lasting decades. Because I was a totally grown man, I did not mind as my brown eyes rolled upon quickly seizing an bandage, and blocking freedom. Anyways, I stared towards the shop owner's eyes and seemed frightening as his sharp eyebrows pointed towards my empty funeral, as he growled. Earned my yellowish sun flip-flops with oceanic blue sky associated with fluffy white clouds, as beachy sands surrounding many palm trees with delicious coconuts, I took out my silvery necklaces and lent it towards him. As soon as possible, I bolted away as my petrified heart were infected by goosebumps. Eventually I slowly twisted, leaning towards my feet and tried out my cool brand new slippers before my feet exploded into massive spreading flames, cooking forests and hunting towards many innocent animals. Surprisingly, it was comfy unlike other slippers I was trying and wasted jewels on those hunk of junk. It felt like laying on the most fluffiest bed in the entire dimension, as your head on the softest pillow and multiplying it by ten thousand. My eyes glimmered in bright sunshine.

Afterwards I was baking cooked eggs for lunch in the hot boiling sun, and everyone in Tenochtitlan could not bare the roasting damaging heats provided by our legendary heat god, as a few citizens fainted by stroke as they blacked out in a flash. Some overused fans so intensely, they nearly produced an daylong blackout that impacts everybody who trends on the planet, and produce a ferocious riot of weaponry and deadly lethal protests causing internal bleeding and serious injuries. I've been sweating more than usual in the past hour, as my armpits was a jungle of poisonous mushrooms and man-eating vicious plants ravage. All of the sudden, my sharp eagle eyes caught a familiar looking girl that I have met before. Arriving from the horizon was my gorgeous hot girlfriend, as she was more beautiful than ever with silky brown skin, colorful traditional clothing with silvery stripes around her stomach and legs and with symbolic symbols within her clothing. She was flicking her beautiful brownish long curly hair, as she was tying it into a ponytail. Her brown shining eyes sparkled. We have not seen each other, since we have built this great new city from finding an symbolic eagle on a green pointy cactus in the middle of the deserts of Mexico. As she caught notice of me, my girlfriend smiled as wide as she could and dashed as speedy as the wind, and hugged me so tight my guts erupted from my ears. Boy was I missed a lot, after separation. My girlfriend grabbed me, and kissed me by the lightish pink lips. My eyes widened and my jaws dropped. What a experience! Though following the congenial moment of being with her again, she seemed silent. Her smiles disappeared like magic, and a very stern expression welcomed. Apparently, something seemed to bother her as she froze about in a wintery brisk cold blizzard. I attempted to share my roasted eggs with her. That did not work. My girlfriend seemingly appeared in a very frightened way, as if someone was threatening her from somewhere in the city.

Eventually the tranquility broke as my girlfriend announced while crouching, and held my glasses like a chemical retort. She drew breath, and released. Invaders she exclaimed as we locked our eyes toward each other, and I was huffing and huffing desperately needing an air conditioner to cool off tremendously. I scratched my head, confused, my eyes blank.

At first, I did not believe her at first as I shook my head in dissent. It was all such a eccentric imagination she had. I seemingly laughed so hard, milk came out of my nose, literally true. Apparently, she growled towards me as her wonderfully long brown hair fluttered in the big blast of wind, and pulled me by the ear towards the deepest darkest forest full of humongous trees, that had long branches that almost poked me by the neck. Ouch! She did not appreciate my sense of giggling. Upon arrival, my girlfriend pointed to the forest's inner sanctum as she heard mysterious, strange noise coming within there like mythical creatures like Slender or Bigfoot. There was rustling from the sharp poisonous bushes as leaves collapsed down from slashing, and the tree branches was waving up and down. Distinguishing those noises, I slowly backed away avoiding bolting extending my arms as if I were about to snatch something, as I was terrified about who or what was that was there, and didn't want for her to think I was a total coward. She would break up with me! In defense I found a fragile half broken stick that I would throw towards him, her or whatever it is. But, I decided not to. I was a benevolent, sympathetic gentleman that would like to impress his lady and take her on a date. My eyes twinkled as I took a glare at the brown sharp stick, and dropped it like I was surrendering. Concerned, I was shivering as I slowly twisted towards her with a sentimental look. She gave me a dirty face, in total crestfallen that I wasn't brave enough to fling it towards the object. My girlfriend have lost interest in me. She turned around, and trampled away. Sadness clouded over me. Tears rained down, slamming the ground. Why would she dump me? Just, why? Meanwhile, that unknown, ominous shadow grew bigger and closer, as every ponderous step seemed like a scary ugly giant has just crushed our land. My only available solution was to just sprint as speedy as a cheetah as my heart pounded and pounded painfully, but what was the point? Everywhere I look, illusions of my ex-friend appears right in front of me, claiming that I was a scaredy cat and kept on giggling and grinning. She would taunt me by pointing, verbally bullying me now with creepy alien-like eyes, as she turns back and flicks her hair. Eventually, these mystical illusions began to dissipate and I began to regain my focus but the more I think about her, the more thunderclouds grew larger and the more rain would intensely drop.

I was forced to stop when these "distractions" caused massive headaches as Japanese missiles targeted my land of the supreme intelligence, as my eyes were bloody red that seemed that recently I was on tobaccoes with my other cool "gangster" friends. Legs began to wobble from all that tripping, sliding and dashing as I was easily tripped by smallish brown roots. Pushing myself up, I assumed that dizziness crossed upon my brain and vaporized it as I seen doubles of priests on temples that were sacrificing people's heart for our sun god nourishment. Red gushy blood squirted directly out. These dauntless people cried in affliction, as upon squirming like defenseless worms about to be crushed by the heavy foot. Forcefully, these priests ripped their divine hearts out. They're done as I shed some tears. I mean, why would they even? I regret what I just seen, as intensely I covered my eyes. As soon as I recovered, I remembered one objective I should do: that is to report these intruder(s) of our territories to our amazing leader Montezuma so that he can deal with it or them.

Cloudiness covered over the boiling, aggressive sun as brisk cool winds began to pick up rapidly. Temperatures significantly dropped over milliseconds. I observed from the top of the palace that people began to relieve from the excessive heat and sweating they were put up with, and others who were luxuriating in the beach steam sorrowed in their homes. Golden, crunchy leafs began to descend from many tall trees and wolfs howled from the forests. On the top of the stairs, I carefully enter the grand doors ensuring there were no soul-crushing security guarding Montezuma. In the palace I seemed to open my eyes and dropped my mouth when I seen his golden chamber inside. I mean, it was amazing outside to when the walls were of pure gold and the symbols symbolizing many things that may include the past and the present, and symbolizing him. Inside, the pillars were built like it costed a trillion dollars today with so much riches and precious metals and shiny jewels, and the paintings were truly prodigious as it was the gods himself and even the outside too. Stars as well, were quite impressive themselves. I could identify the sweet, sugery smell of icing chocolate cake within the throne itself as it endures me to chase after this melting caramel "cotton candy". When I met Montezuma, it was a true honor for me to shake hands with him. I reacted as if I were a true girl who were at a Justin Bieber concert, which were by screaming and screeching like an monster crawling in a deep dark tunnel, as I sort of embarrassed myself by deliberately wetting my pants too. My eyes became a bright star transforming into a red giant like in the skies at night with constellation Big Dipper at the middle of deep dark void of space. He wore mostly gold defensive-type clothing, with enriching blue stripes near-about his heart and greenish yellow stars decorating his battle outfit. Without hesitating, I clearly explained about the strange people who wandered the great forests that may have demanded that they should be in the large city. Those strange people are unknown to our culture. Potentially, maybe potentially, it could be the one returning god of great importance that who once left. On this prophecy, today should be the day where he should make an appearance.

Montezuma and I left the palace, unsure that this stranger is trustworthy and legendary or not, as I balled my fists like I was preparing for a boxing tournament. My eyes fired up, very alert of treachery. Totally alert. Nothing can stop me. Deception can be the most problematic with cultural contacts, if this person is different and pretending to be nice just so he can rob the city. Down at the bottom of the stairs, people took a glare at Montezuma and me and wondered what was transpiring with us. As soon as possible and quicker than light, they sprinted towards us and joined in associated with many gifts and riches for Montezuma to keep as treasure as he thanked them for their support. These "fans" drooled over him, and exactly did on me as slobbering was my grossest experience ever. The people consistently questioned him, hugging him like he is talented and famous. Mind blowing, I was tempted to grab all of these treasures like an evil spirit was controlling me, but I resisted not to. No. I will not. My eyes must not see the shiny golden jewels and necklaces that cost a fortune in the real world today. I kept my sight to the forest. As we normally trudged outside, bad memories from earlier today reappeared when my blind spot caught my ex-friend on the other side of overexcited party pack. I was ducking with sweating hands of revolting punishing smell, praying to god that I wouldn't be seen by her as I kept quiet. Have I gone insane? Crazy? I did not expect this. Glimmering hatred eyes from her, and I'd be dead in a snap. Poisoned, in poisoned waters. Scorched, by scorching red-hot magma. My goal was simple: avoid her. Anyways we confronted a organization of hundreds of men, with a guiding leader. He wore a hat, a smokey grayish hat as his clothing were also grey but also with deep black and enriching gold stripes and patterns on his different clothing. Montezuma at least what I was scrutinizing, was praising him as the ancient god that was returning from his department according to the prophecy, as he was sending rich gifts from his fellow followers, and his eyes widened and smiled as bright as sunshine. The welcomed guest seemed to be pleased, but I still viewed him as an evil doer as I gritted my teeth in frustration. Grrrr!

Afterwards, we invited him into our great civilization and into the golden palace of total riches and jewels that Montezuma has kept from heavily trading and heavily taxing those who are "baddies". I couldn't believe that our civilization was like that, by stealing land by force and powerful leadership to earn some wealth and even I would not approve of that, as a Aztec. Nevertheless the unrecognized stranger grinned like he was going to launch an invasion or something like that, but I believe with my heart that will not going to happen at anytime. Because I award a chance for everyone, I lost in mistrust with him. My ferocious fists, and heated eyes cooled down as upon magma flowing down the exploding volcano for centuries and centuries. However he seemed rhapsodic around the riches that surround him in delicate heavens, even ten times more than me. I chuckled when he fell on a crown. Obviously, the unknown fell in love with all these precious metals to steal. Raising his hands as he extended his arms, he swiped a gold piece and examined it. Underneath the palace, Montezuma lead us and the unknown to a secretive private chamber that I never have known it was there. The chamber was preposterous. Heavy downpours must have caused a flood--a flood of rough metal precious metals and gold and jewels, and I cannot go on that seemed to be there for jaw-dropping thousands of years, as it felt rusty like metal experiencing mysterious corrosion over time. Nobody were spared of this sparkling golden shine illuminating over the enlightening sunshine. Although it were good for our purposes, I could polish the fact that this stranger was greedy selfish and a crook as trouble crept and dawned over our civilization. One of these men held Montezuma hostage, for wealth! Not only that other people, my girlfriend and me thinks that these new men are selfish crooks, but our leader was a traitor extremist for allowing these decitful people in! It didn't take long when the rest of the Aztec population found, as this men enslaved him outside of his palace and expose the truth. Burning his trust we were outraged with my heart exploding into pieces of dust, and my fists balling and preparing to pummel him. Decades of trust, and dynamite explodes in shame.

Charging up our anger, we collected as much stones and rocks that we would splatter towards the one who betrayed us. Our arms, are military tanks who fires missiles that will end the world by nuclear explosions as large as a asteroid crater and as wide as a thousand football and soccer fields combined. Why? Why would our leader betray us? I am ashamed that Montezuma was our commander in the first place, as my eyes teared up and shimmered at the sight of the sun. KKKK! The rocks strike Montezuma's face and body as he began to vigorously bleed out. The sound of the rocks made us relax and chill as the clouds broke apart, revealing our yellowish heat god. I felt so good, but as well bad too. Because this event took several days, our traitorous friend died in the result of heavy rocks and stones that were being flung as potent as they can be flung. Right after this riot at the tip of our dearest eyes, our obsessive men were attempting to sneak away from us, with our precious treasures! No! We cannot allow this. Luckily, we have captured and murdered half the men after such an tiring chase with arrows and bows being shot everywhere. Nothing can prepare us for a unexpected chicken run, where they screech BOCK BOCK BOCK! But the other half along with the guiding leader has escaped right under our flaming eyes, and we do not know what will occur after these events. A storm may have been gone, but another may come again! We've punished capture by heavily tax, and sacrifice the red desirable heart.

A year after Montezuma's death, I was yawning as I was tired. My stomach growled annoyingly loud, like dogs desperate for a biscuit for doing multiple amounts of flips and tricks. As I approached my white fridge full of corn after gathering some at my farmer's field, my memories march right back from my break-up with my girlfriend. She was a jerk! I powerfully stomped so damn hard, it may have broke through the floor. Totally bullied, she was calling me a coward. How did she feel about my feelings? Nothing. She was lackadaisical. My girlfriend ignored me, and walked away silently with nasty eyes that regret meeting me. Coward. Coward. This word would bother me for life. I chomped upon the yellow, sweet corn as my teeth dug for pure gold, and still it's palatable inviting plastic taste does not break me from my solitude time in an empty jail. Finishing eating, I tugged myself to the squishy snug bed accompanied by a sensational warmth that I drowsed nonchalantly and gradually, and grinned upon an peaceful joyous dream encountering unicorns and angels from the angelic heaven. My soft, blue blanket lies across my own notorious jungle, increasing global warming.

All of the sudden though, an earthquake erupted out of nowhere that threw my table against the wall. In fact, through the wooden wall. I was shivering in demoralize, as I was rejected out of my luxurious mattress. I took a slow step to investigate what was out there, when I suddenly heard bunch of hollering. I opened the door, as I hoped something was abnormally good out there with my puppy eyes. Boy, I was wrong. It was a world of chaos. Shocked it was the same men who invaded our territories, but with much stronger army with allies. My puny eyes could not believe what it just saw. Much of our land were being conquered and devastated, with our indigenous enemies on the new men's side. My girlfriend was doing her best to avoid gun shots from weapons that we do not recognize before, and avoiding the horses that the men were riding as she was outnumbered. She gulped and gasped for an alliance group to rescue them from extinction. I fell to my knees, fainted by the violent fighting. Splashed by cold soothing water I was lucky to be awaken by a Aztec friend, when a men was about to kidnap me and pummel out my bleak heart, as the messenger blacked out as a bullet zapped through his thighs. As a arrow struck my arm, blood splattered across the floor as I cried and screech in strong pain. I stood up and bolted across the battlefield, lunging over gun shots and arrows that were being shot. Excruciating torment followed. A deadly severe thunderstorm rumbled across our lands, as thunder roared and lightning struck the grounds producing sniping sparks, as rain nearly flooded the saturated ground and blinding many as their sight was fogged. From a safe view, I examined many of our peoples were being murdered as their blood spread across the lands and flowed by the whipping heavy rain, and some suffered the agony and sicknesses from the men's diseases as emergency nurses sent them to the closest hospital. Buildings, shops and every palace were utterly wrecked and shattered by men obliterating and flinging valuable clothing and dismantling them, pieces by pieces. Boom! Rumble! Thunder continued to crash. Nasty gusts of wind dragged pieces of material off the ground, as many held their ground or attached to stationary objects like metal poles. Splat! Wooden planks of woods flipped over, accurately smacked our citizens' weakened faces as black eyes were not out of the question.

As I was about to shelter myself from this "World War 1", I discovered my girlfriend cornered by an army of men with guns, to finally get rid of her as she was crying heavier than the downpour, and was feeling "under the weather". She was needing a hero to save her from her demise, as the men was shoving her to the wall devilishly and kept on thrashing her as her eyes glittered with hopelessness and depression. At first, I was not solicitous as I steered clear of her. Eventually though, a powerful memory arose in my head as I recalled back the time when we first kissed back in the time before the dirty, back-stabbing men arrived and vanquished our civilization, and when we first dated before we broke up, and how we were consistently chatting awkwardly and entertaining with each other by horrible jokes. My head pointed down towards the ground, when I hated my memories I had when we split. Negative thoughts obstructed me, but I was preventing them from shattering my outstanding life. As of now, I had to shine like a superstar. I have to go save my defenseless girlfriend from her untimely death, even if I have to audaciously sacrifice my life for her, and even if she was cruel earlier. Everything depended on this one last barbaric move. Everything was at stake. Lightning struck the ground once again, startling me. My graciousness and my kindhearted self will pay off, as I jumped into the puddles of the rainwater and spilling contagious waters on my pants, as I darted towards her. My wet short hair fluttered against the opposite direction of the powerful winds. Dodging many bullets, I startled the men and challenged them to a duel to the finish, as I directed my girlfriend to escape as she had never felt so sentimental in her life, that I'd be dedicating my whole entire life for her. She blew a kiss for luck, that I'll survive. As I challenged them, the men and indigenous enemies ignored the pitiful girl and targeted me like I was a turkey smelling meat for the hungry wolves. I strive to break. Because of the rainwater, I slipped and my knees were scraped and scratched as it began to bleed out. My skin had ripped off. Worst of all, I was about to die. I made my sacrifice for my girlfriend, and that's all it mattered in life. Imagining her life, I hoped that she will carry on with her life, and not get caught by the men and other indigenous enemies, and that she'd have a totally fun and exhilarating adventure without me and make brand new friends. Now though, the men has seized me and pointed the gun towards my pounding broken heart, as they were rifling up their deadly weapons. Last words: There are no more Aztecs, except for my girlfriend. Our culture is now extinct. We are no more. They have plundered the gold, as they triumph in victory over our ruins. What was next? We never knew. However I took an educated guess, even I deserved to be in the heavenly place. My soul, drifted into space where I belong with billions of newborn bright stars, as the Aurora Borealis glowed across the northern regions of the new civilization, and it created an spectacular light show of these men. An new age has begun at last.

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

Much too pretentiously descriptive to be a good read. Clustered and hard to pick out individual sentences amongst all the grandiose.

It's okay, I guess

do you ever just regret making a post immediately

[nin10mode]

There is a such thing as too much description. A lot of it's unnecessary. Go for single, descriptive words that nail the emotion you're trying to evoke. Don't forget commas if you need several adjectives.

Out of curiosity, what grade are you?

[CaptainAmerica2]

There is a such thing as too much description. A lot of it's unnecessary. Go for single, descriptive words that nail the emotion you're trying to evoke. Don't forget commas if you need several adjectives.

Out of curiosity, what grade are you?

Grade 8. Just learning how to write descriptive writing. My LA teacher says to add descriptions to create more vivid images, by like adding more description (sense, feel, smell, etc.)

[nin10mode]

In that case, I suppose an alternative is to mix up sentence structure a little.

For example,

The rocks strike Montezuma's face and body as he began to vigorously bleed out

can be changed to

The rocks strike Montezuma's face and body as he began to bleed out vigorously

and

As I approached my white fridge full of corn after gathering some at my farmer's field

can be changed to

As I approached my fridge, white and full of corn after gathering some at my farmer's field

Having the adjective/adverb before the noun/verb becomes monotonous very fast. You can't do this for everything, but you should be able to pick out where you can do this.


There are a few grammatical and spelling errors as well: "my girlfriend and me" should be "my girlfriend and I", "as this men enslaved" should be "as these men enslaved", "decitful" should be "deceitful", etc. If this was a rough draft, I think it's decent though.