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Stella and her brother Jake are invited to take part in a fighting tournament. They make a promise to each other that they'll make it to the top. Little do they know, behind the scenes a conspiracy is brewing that might just jeopardize that promise...

This story is fairly long, being roughly 10,000 words. Loosely fantasy-based in a fictional world, it's heavy with action and suspense, though there is an obvious buildup before that begins.

As always, feedback is very much appreciated. Hope you enjoy!

The Grand Tourney

Hey, so this was pretty good Action was pretty fluid, and the dialogue was handled well.

Just a couple things I want to note, the first being the perspective switches. They worked out fine and it was mostly easy enough to figure out, but it would be a little more helpful if you had a more obvious way of handling it. Also, when you handle dialogue and there's more than two people talking, it helps to have some kind of indicator as to who said what, such as "____ said/shouted/declared" since if the reader forgets for any reason who's doing most of the talking, might be confusing.

(now I need to hurry up and write stuff since I don't want to suddenly be a vastly inferior writer holy fishsticks)

Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing this one, particularly all the action. I tried to make it realistic enough to be easy to understand but at times fantasy-like to be cool (*cough* Stella's moves during training)

I see what you mean about indicating the speaker more, but sometimes I feel like I do it too much and it gets kind of redundant, so it's something I really pay attention to while writing. I generally steer away from just saying "said/shouted" etc since it seems a little stale so I try to find other ways to show who's speaking, either by using specific words or with an action before/after. Just a little quirk with my writing style, I'll definitely work to improve it in the future.


I might write a sequel to this someday because I see a lot of potential with the characters and setting, but I have another idea I'd like to do first, plus I want to toss around a few plot ideas and try to plan a little more before diving in. For the most part this story was written as I went and I just so happened to think of a good plot twist near the end that fit perfectly with events that happened earlier. While that was an awesome feeling, I might not be so lucky next time.