[SS] Scars of the Past

[Zunar]

An old memory cuts deep into the hearts of a man and his partner. Together, they seek to get revenge...

This story has a more serious tone compared to my previous works. It's a bit shorter than Grand Tourney (8087 words versus roughly 10,000), with a focus on being realistic but also action-based (think secret agent/spy stuff).

Scars of the Past

[Magnen]

Alright, so, finally got around to reading this. Firstly, I want to mention that the combat is well-written, and I like the whole spy-agent theme you got going, it's refreshing from your usual student-based stories.

I only have a few things to point out, and none of them are necessarily 'bad' or 'wrong,' so keep that in mind.
And remember I'm still learning to write, so take my criticism with a grain of salt

Spoiler: show

Scenes in this feel like they move really fast, and that's fine and dandy for action scenes, but moments like when Taka and Miyu met or are just casually talking, the scenes feel like they move a little faster than is natural.

Speaking of when Taka and Miyu first met, (and possibly my biggest peeve) it feels like Taka agrees too easily to work with her. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but Taka actually feels like the least established character here- maybe I just missed it, but he doesn't appear to have any quirks that decide his actions outside of Leo's death and loyalty to his partners (come to think of it, this story almost feels like it's being narrated from a side character instead of the main character)

"I'm not sure if I was just really hungry or what" Nothing major here, only that leaving "what" at the end seems a tad bit unobservant for an agent (I mean I get it, sometimes it's just hard to come up with descriptions...)

Also "knock-out chemicals" totally sounds like chloroform, js

Despite all my yapping, I did enjoy reading this, and it is nice to see you write something with a more consistent serious tone to it, nice job
Now you can stop yelling at me to read this

[Zunar]

Yay Glad you enjoyed.

Spoiler: show

Reading back over it, I see what you mean about Taka. One of my friends actually pointed out something similar, how perhaps expanding upon his past with Leo would've helped a lot for his character. It's something I plan to explore in a possible sequel.

Also when I was writing this I totally didn't forget the word for chloroform and have to improvise