A Memory's Shadow

[Magnen]

This is the story of 18-year-old Abigail who woke up one day without any idea of who she is.

Bars, shackles, and chains.

I'm in a prison.

I suppose this should have been obvious, considering the metal bars that are in front of me, but why was I in prison?


Hey, my name is Magnen and this is my first attempt to write a story.
(So please, cut me some slack here, I know it's not perfect but I tried )

I'll read pretty much any opinions you may have, I only ask that you be specific about what you dislike.
One last thing: Please use spoiler or hide tags for well, spoilers

Anyway I'll quit rambling now, here it is:

Google Document for "A Memory's Shadow."

[NanTheDark]

Pretty good story. I liked it. Good job.

Also I found two things you could fix: show

Before I had time to react, Hank sent a sold jab to my stomach, and I fell to my knees.

I turned my head slightly in Jame's direction. He gave me a slight nod.

I don't actually know for sure if this last one is wrong.

[Magnen]

Well I fixed the first one, as for the second one, I'm not going to bother with it because honestly I'm not sure either and autocorrect said nothing about it

[Zunar]

I agree with Nan, this was really good. There's a lot of detail and backstory, mixed with action and a pinch of romance. Thumbs up from me.

I did notice one other typo though:

Spoiler: show

I started rolling down the window heard what Hank was saying.

Run-on sentence, you're missing a word or two in there.

[Magnen]

This is what I get for only taking 20 minutes to do correctional edits
(Its been fixed)

[Harmless]

I love it I love it I love it I love it, action was super tight.

For Nan's second note though, I think the correct word would be James'.

Man, you really want me to start trying my hand at storytelling again.

[MessengerOfDreams]

yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes more writing please more of this ♥♥♥♥ people

You would be a fantastic writer for young adults. The style here's simple and in some ways it does get a little too tell, but considering what it's about it kind of has to be. I really felt engaged to what was going on, your narrator had a strong voice, but it was also easy to follow. I think you should keep writing if you've not already written millions of words as it is. I'm also happy with the ending- sometimes, even if it's expected, a happy ending is nice. The final fight scene was unique yet engaging, and I grew to believe the two of them really cared for each other, despite the security of the veneer of sarcasm and edginess. Great great work!

[Magnen]

Thanks everyone for all the positive feedback I really appreciate it.

Also I have started writing stories before but I never really finished them, so while I have practiced writing stories before I've never finished any of them until now.
But I was determined not to be a procrastinate about it this time and essentially forced myself to write as much as I could every day.

[MessengerOfDreams]

Keep at it, Mags. You're boss at it.

[ChaosYoshi]

For Nan's second note though, I think the correct word would be James'.

Actually, it's "James's." Names that end with an S always throw me off when I use a possessive, as it always looks and sounds odd with how it's meant to be presented.