So if you've read MoD's recent post you'll see I kinda open up a tiny bit, which I'm not comfortable doing at all. But I finally decided, after some deliberation, that I wanted to tell you guys just how much you mean to me - yes, it's been said before, but that only proves how true it is. Not only that, but I feel like I need to finally talk about this sort of thing. This site has saved many people. I don't think I've talked about myself very much (I have a tendency to avoid doing that) and it took me ♥♥♥♥ ages to build up the courage to post a picture of myself at all.
Firstly, I can't say much about my actual life and how horrible it is - I've lived under a decent roof, with a kind family (at least, towards my household). Nothing particularly horrible has ever happened in my life - and I really don't want that to come off as a gloat, because it's anything but that. But personally, I've never really had any "true" friends up until after I started high school in 2011. I was always that guy who everybody kind of knew, sort of liked, didn't really care for much. Even now, with a couple of kind friends (after many years) I feel kind of...empty, I guess.
But without this site, I wouldn't be the person I am today - even I look at myself, and see a lazy, unintelligent, and irritating boy, it's better than what I might have been. Yeah, not somebody anybody would really be friends with. I've never been the best at making friends, anyway - but when I joined this site, I was surprised at just how much people tolerated me and - dare I say it - liked me. Even today (and my memory is crap, bare in mind) I still remember joining the chat and talking to missperfect23 - now know as ~MP3 Amplifier~. I remember how we used to talk to each other via PMs and just discuss random crap - may not have seemed like a lot, but that was like finding gold for me. And then I naturally came to make a few more friends. And slowly, but surely, I started gaining confidence, and I started being motivated to do more - all because of a few people I didn't even know the true names or faces of. Funny when you think of it like that.
I look at myself now, and I'm personally still a little saddened by what kind of person I am. When I think about it, my situation is basically the same, if a little better - most people tend to kind of like me, but not really as true friends. I don't feel like I've ever accomplished anything in my life. And yet, despite always feeling depressed, tired, and guilty about something, I've managed to get through each day thinking of happy thoughts and coming on this website. You could say I'm not really hated or looked down upon...but sometimes I do feel like a true nobody. But other times, when I come on here, I do feel like a person. A person with ambitions, and goals. I have you guys to thank for that.
I'm sorry if this comes across as a "feel sorry for me" topic. It's not. I kind of just vomited words onto a page and got my feelings out there. I just want to let you guys know that you've changed me for the better, however much you don't realise it. I'm not saying names, because basically everyone who's talked to me before has made me feel that little bit better.
Thanks guys.
