It's a matter of time

[Ayrayen]

I'm fighting myself as hard as I can.
But i'm a pretty tough opponent!

Sheathe your sword. Yourself aren't someone you can fight, but something that must be embraced or accepted...

Hang in there Ay. I have faith in you. I know you can go through this ordeal.



The TV Tropes link should also be a nice distraction from things. :3 Just don't open too many tabs or you'll be wandering there for hours.

That's pretty neat. And yes, nice with distractions from time to time.

here is a bunny eating a flower




i hope you will have a good day after looking at a bunny eating a flower

Yes, my life is now complete. Thank you~

True love.


Sorry for not talking to you much recently. I do care even though I suck at showing it. :/

I never blamed you.













Now... I believe that i'm finally ready for Part facking 5

Part 5 - My father's side

We all know that, we live, and we all die at some point in life.
Some of us, we die earlier than others.
This part is about my Father's Two Siblings.

He had a Brother and a Sister, when I was just a kid, my father's bro' got diagnosed with Alzheimer and my father sister got diagnosed with cancer.
There were many days where i laid at my bed, looking up at the roof, thinking..
So once I decided on what to do. I tried to move on.
We did visit them from time to time, after all... They were important, not only to me but to my father as well.

I remember, before 'she' died, she wanted to see my Father's bro' before 'the time comes'.
She died just one hour after the visit, they drove her home. And she passed away.
It was a beautiful funeral tho'.

When it comes to my Father's brother, he died as well, but to think that his daughter, didn't even
Invite us in to the Funeral is just ridiculous.
She didn't want my father to have his belongings. Whatever was on his 'list', was kind of scrapped away.

I felt such an intense rage. To get rid of it, I went to my favorite beach and punched a rock all I could and screamed as well.
It was nice.

But now. I am kind of lost.

To be honest, i'm very very lost.
The pills made me happier.
I met a girl that I like.
My father survived cancer.

Yet..

I know, deep inside, that what i'm going through, is something that will probably never leave me.
And that's ok. If I die, i'll die.
But I won't die without a fight.
As I mentioned earlier, there's a lot of things to learn in life.

I've seen a lot of shiet in my life, and I've learned a lot on the way as well.

I hereby want to ask You, as a reader. What do you think about 'all of this'?
This story of mine.

What do you feel when you ready it?
What are your thoughts around humanity?
Could you reflect anything of my story to your past?

Anything is appreciated. Personal opinions and thoughts are also welcome.
And if you have any questions. I'll be sure to answer them. Anytime.

My story goes on. But for now. I want to thank all of you, who took your time to read.
And a huge thanks for even 'trying' to help.

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

Y know its tempting me more and more to write about my difficulties. But I don't think I'm ready yet.

[JSlayerXero]

Still praying for you.

I dunno what's worse, my stories, or what reality you're going through. The more I read this the more I want to finish writing Reality Collapse. Maybe I should read this more often.

[Harmless]

I'm still alive.

I'm fighting myself as hard as I can.
But i'm a pretty tough opponent!

That's right, SHOW THAT ALL SHUCKLE TEAM WHO'S THE ♥♥♥♥ BOSS

ahem

on a more serious note, I'm hoping you're getting better?

[Doram]

This post by nin10mode was thumbed up by: 3

Ayrayen (February 26th, 2014, 2:37 am) • Doram (April 28th, 2014, 10:44 am) • ~MP3 Amplifier~ (February 26th, 2014, 2:12 am)

[NanTheDark]

Just keep going Ay. I know you can live a good life and be happy.

[Ayrayen]

Hey again

It has been quite some time now, and I hope everyone's having a good Easter.

On a more serious note, I came back here for a reason.



While i'm already familiar with myself and my 'luck'.
I recently found that yet another very close friend whom I love(d) - Is now gone.

It's tragic how someone dies when you know them well enough to know that this was the least thing they deserved.

I hope you're at a better place now.
Too bad we didn't get to spend more time together. Although we had quite a ton of good laughs
I never expected it to end like this.
I never got the chance to say that I love you. So i'll do it now.

I love you...

Rest in peace, for I will mourn, I hope you're at a better place now.

[Harmless]

Aw no.

I've recently had a few great friends die as well. Mostly of old age, but...

[JSlayerXero]

My condolences.

I'll shut up now.

[Memorials]

There's also...
Another friend of mine stopped coming online, I fear he killed himself. No joke.
Now I know that I shouldn't jump to conclusions. But before he left... It was not looking good at all.
It has soon been 2 months without a word.

Oh hey, I recognize that kind of silence. Mindblowing, isn't it? How sometimes, people can put you through that kind of dread without a word, without any comfort or solace and without leaving something for you to let it rest in peace. In my opinion, if such a person chooses to move on without giving you some kind of reassurance in whatever form that it'll be fine, I can't help but despise the fact that such a person can sleep at night in peace while you lie wide awake for hours straight, absolutely terrorized by your own mind, all the what-ifs and all the things it has heard and seen. Unless you want to go completely mad, you will be forced to dig into places you wish you would never, ever have to face again, wondering if you could've done something to prevent it all. Or even wondering if you, inevitably, were the problem. And realizing that even if you (partly) might have been, a mistake you perhaps made while your true intentions were not anywhere near it, you'll be unfairly punishes for it for the rest of your life. Even if you were still trying to learn, grow and develop your character. It's a neverending vicious cycle of worry and self-loathing and it leaves you with this inescapable ghost following you around no matter where you go. Being left in a manner such as this example makes you think/do and consider some stupid, irresponsible ♥♥♥♥ that'll definitely have disastrous, lasting consequences for you and your surroundings, and that all while you tried the hardest you could. That all, because you gave more than you ever got in return. Just cold-blooded, unapologetic, snobby responses - is what there is to expect the most.
This, has happened to me - I am always carrying some sort of invisible scar with me. Nothing feels like it used to be; I feel disorientated from my true natured self, and I wonder if this part of my life will ever fully heal up. I am thankful at least, that I most likely put the worst behind me - having flashbacks like some sort of retired veteran. Yea, thank God.
Well, I dragged this out more than I had wanted to. What I just described here might actually have been a tad worse, if we're speaking consequences on the affected people. I'm certain your friend never had such intentions, some people however...