Get Things Off of Your Chest

[~Yuri]

Well, gonna be direct: I'm too ♥♥♥♥ tired. It feels like I'm giving my best for everything, exams, LDing, among literally everything else I do currently. I do my best, but it never seems enough. Never. There's always that somebody to say I should do better, and even if there is nobody, it feels like I must be the best regardless. I don't know I think I have created a complex.

It should be easy to fix this. I mean, just let things be, right? Just like I used to do. But now... I seem to have become a perfectionist at literally everything I do. If what I do is not EXACTLY the way I want, I freak out. Literally.

Exams are close by. And now, it seems that even though I'm doing well, it's like I'm straining further and further away from my goal. If I even have one. It seems like with my recent stress, people have been going further and further away from me. Not only that, but I'm losing my ability to think straight. I lost all my creativity, and even when I have some, whenever I try to picture it on a piece of paper or in a designing engine, it doesn't turn out like I want to, like it used to be. Everything, even the slightest of things is prone to piss me off now. the tiniest of the errors I make; it seems that what I'm living now is a never ending cycle of frustation. I feel umcapable. So uncapable, I'm even unable to give up of anything. I'm ashamed.

I don't know if my words are even sounding comprehensible right now; Even I am not understanding how to put what I feel into logical phrases.

[Kimonio]

Take a break. You're digging yourself into a rut.

[Kimonio]

I'm bumping this because it needs to be clear and more apparent, especially after recent incidents in areas close to my own.

Black Lives Matter as an organization does not represent the black community as a whole, and never will. It represents nationalists and supremacists, nothing more. The group identifies former Black Panther member Assata Shakur as the inspiration behind their movement, and the woman herself was listed as one of the FBI's top 15 most wanted(and probably still is) after deliberate and intentional manslaughter of a law enforcement officer at point blank with a firearm, during a routine traffic stop.

You can be behind black lives and uphold minorities, but don't support BLM as a movement(And no, ALM does not negate black people. It envelopes them).

[Oranjui]

Just as BLM envelops all other races and minority groups; it's not racist or supremacist. It's a decentralized movement against police brutality and institutional racism, while ALM is basically construed by most as a reactionary dismissal of those issues. The few "nationalist and supremacist" individuals who unfortunately choose to lash out violently don't represent the movement as a whole, either, just like how the BLM movement doesn't represent the black community as a whole. What's your point?

[Kimonio]

(this would work better as a standalone thread, tbh)

One of the BLM founder, Alicia Garza, has come out up front saying that she takes inspiration from Assaka Shakur, a murderer and nationalist who acted in a different light than protrayed by the movement. Once a movement associates itself with a known radical/nationalist, that alone makes me skeptical of the true intentions. I put the full post I had typed up in hide tags, since I don't want to derail the thread.

Assaka was once on the FBI list of most wanted fugitives for manslaughter, after shooting an officer at point-blank range during a routine traffic stop. Unrelated but partially a reason behind her actions, she was an activist in the Black Panther Party(which has a shady history on its own) and prior to the murder of the officer had been charged and convicted of murder, attempted murder, armed robbery, bank robbery, and kidnapping. After spending time in prison, she ended up escaping to Cuba, where no one has found any trace of her at all to this very day.

I honestly prefer not associating with a movement or tag that takes inspiration from nationalists, tbh, and the movement subjectively cannot encompass other minorities, simply based on the name alone, and the people they represent. To me, that just isn't right, and reminds me of saying that a feminist fights for all people and denominations, when the definition and their actions otherwise state it's subjective and relative to the women's rights movements themselves.

And I still don't technically see how ALM would in any way or form invalidate the oppressed minorities, if one of the three words on its own is "all"? You said yourself that "the individuals who unfortunately choose to lash out violently don't represent the movement as a whole" in regards to BLM, but the same can also be said for those who stand by ALM. BLM in all essence seems to have risen as a result of the media's focus on specific cases of police brutality that caught the nations attention as a result of protests and riots, but there have also been over 250 cases alone, and we only know of 6 off the tops of our heads.

I can understand how the words "black lives matter" at one point brought awareness and definitely had a positive impact, but I'm skeptical if that's still the case today. And I really haven't seen how the movement can envelope minorities, if there have been no known reported incidents recently or in the past that I have ever been aware of where they have done just so.

[MessengerOfDreams]

You're picking at reasons really. Very distant reasons why you don't care about BLM or by extension black lives. Which you know you shouldn't but do anyway.

[Kimonio]

Not favoring a movement with a sketchy background or the support for a criminal does not mean I do not support minorities or black lives. That is a reach if I've ever seen one. Literally saying that is like saying by not voting Hillary, I do not support women or women's rights, simply because Hillary is a woman.

There are thousands of other names and several other activists through history they could have chosen, why Assaka Shakur?

[Oranjui]

You mentioned feminism in the hide tags, and again you're assuming that a vocal minority represents an entire movement. These days, it's pretty common to conflate true feminism, which is a movement for gender equality in general, with misandry, which is discrimination against men, probably due to the internet/tumblr. But they're not the same.

If you don't want to support BLM, then don't, and support those issues in other ways if you want to, but ALM is by no means a good movement in any way because it just perpetuates the issues BLM tries to combat.

edit:
"Black Lives Matter" is more of a statement of "Black Lives Matter too", not "only Black Lives Matter". Vihart posted a pretty good video on the context of BLM recently:

The origins might be a little shady, but I don't think that's any reason not to support the movement. It's not following directly in the footsteps of violence, more so just taking inspiration from the massive amount of passion that drove the Civil Rights movement in the 50s-70s?

edit2: okay let's just move this to a separate thread lawl

[Charcoal]

Well....
I made a promise...when I snuck out to buy Smash 3ds to never get salty again and have a better head for the game. I wanted to compete for the "right" reasons. I didn't want to suck as well, so there may have been a mentality conflict. But I'm no different now. I broke my own promise. Smash quickly became an escape from pain that I've felt. R.O.B. was perfect for that escape. But I moved on to Corrin so I could change who I was for the better, but my past caught up to me.

I didn't want to socialize with people knowing how I can never get one's attention so well...and given the fact I kept looking for a response from a girl sophomore year and made another girl feel uncomfortable from just wanting to talk.....no I hate it. I can't live with it. I'm too shy to talk to anyone that isn't a friend of mine. I'm still hurt over seeing loving couples or romance in anime. I tried to laugh it off with a joke like "Haha, I'll always be single. No way I'll date."

All this as well as lashing out at my mother and stepfather and dismissing my stepbrother from the pain.

And if it's not clear, watching anime and drawing were an escape as well. I always liked the anime girl characters. I liked drawing them. Fire Emblem Fates started to be an escape as well. I quickly adored the character Felicia. I grew fond of playing Female Corrin. But I tried to hide the pain (or what I thought then that I would be a pervert if I drew 80-90% anime girls in my sketchbook). I tried to draw more guys as well, and I also started playing Male Corrin more. I didn't want to be seen as some odd pervy guy playing Female Corrin or whatever. I was upset for some guy angry with me and complaining to my manager.

I don't want to be hated by people. I don't want people to think wrongly of me...like in elementary school. That's why I can't allow myself to show bad drawings or play poorly in Smash or go below a C in school (I'd be hated for flunking). I don't want to talk to people and screw up talking. I don't want to be a "bad" weirdo for social awkwardness.

[Supershroom]

I'm not upset anywhere with seeing loving couples. I know I don't have a problem with being single because I know that I'm currently making nothing of women. I just let everyone enjoy their happiness without being jealous or alike and I give myself time. Also being single has its own amenities as well.